Fearless

I wanted something brilliant or amazing or outstanding to write on my blog on the last day of the year, but I felt small, unnoticed and unimportant. What could I say that hasn't already been said a thousand times before?

The sun was sinking in the west as I was heading home from work. Songs were playing on the radio. Songs like these: "He Knows My Name" and "Call It Grace". Phrases were jumping out at me...It's the light that pierces through you to the darkest hidden place, It knows your deepest secrets but it never looks away... It's nothing less than scandalous, this love that took our place...

And I was reminded again that it's not about me, it's about Him. Without His love I would be nothing. There is nothing I can do to make Him love me more. There is nothing I can do that would make Him love me less. It's not even about trying to love others or myself, but it's letting Him love me.

I've been reflecting on the past year...the glad things,the bad things,the sad things. He was there. Through it all. His LOVE overshadowed every part of my life. How do I know? He talks to me, telling me things He knows I need to know (they wouldn't make sense to anyone else!). He calls me by name. He shows me my own heart, which I don't even understand. He calls me to life. He speaks peace. 

As I look at the next year this is my theme song:

Fearless by Mia Fields

May you fearlessly follow Him this year, as well!

Snowy Day/Many Plans

This morning I awoke to an icy, snow-covered world. A bitter wind was howling but inside it was cozy and warm. I was glad I had decided the night before to have a sleep-over at Mom's. At 8:30 I peeked into Mom's room to see if she was awake. I tiptoed over to the bed, gentle shook her and kissed her on the cheek. Not every morning I get to wake Mom!

A short time later Ann, Mom and I sat down to breakfast. Poached eggs, toast, grapefruit and cereal. Slightly different than my usual cold bowl of cereal, eaten in solitude in my still-warm bed.

It didn't feel like Sunday. Mom's church was cancelled and Ann decided to stay home with her. My church, on the other hand, cancelled 1st service but we still had 2 others, which made me very happy. I love going to church!

When I arrived there was only a handful of cars. I thought, This is going to be small. I crawled out of my car, braving the cold wind and icy walks. Upon entering the church the atmosphere was warm and friendly, feeling much like family. When I entered the sanctuary it was nearly empty. The usher asked me where I'd like to sit. One couple was already seated and he jokingly said that since that side looked full maybe I should sit on the other. In spite of the lack on our part, the worship team was there in full force. I knew it was going to be good! I was pretty sure I wouldn't be sorry I came.

An hour later I left with a full heart and tears on my face. God was there, no matter the people. (And when I turned around after church I was surprised to see it was very nearly full! Some had come as far away as Kingman and Buhler!)

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And now I am switching gears...

Sometimes my life feels pretty ordinary. It doesn't feel like much "exciting" is happening. My job is hum-drum. I wonder if I'm even important.

God uses the simple things in our life to train us for the extra-ordinary. Did you know that whatever you are doing right now is training for the purpose God has for you? Ask him. He might answer. It might scare you. But... He never puts us in a battle He hasn't equipped us to win.

God has one purpose but many plans. There are many ways he uses to get us to that purpose. It may depend on your attitude. Oh, if that's how you think, then we'll go this way... But in it all He is preparing us to be the best one suited for that position.

Don't despair. Don't give up. He loves you much more than you know!!

There Is No Lack

All through the night I kept hearing this verse over and over again:

"The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want (not lack any good thing)." 

Psalms 23:1

Especially the last phrase stood out to me: NOT LACK ANY GOOD THING!

And then I saw the number 3468. I immediately realized that 68 is double of 34. I asked God what 34 means. He directed me to Psalms 34. (That has been one of my favorites ever since Dad passed away. It was the one that Mom was reading to him when God called him Home. It was the Psalm that was preached at the funeral service.) I opened my Bible and eagerly began to read. Suddenly I was struck with verse 9 and 10:

"Fear the Lord you his saints, for those who fear Him lack nothing. The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing."

Wow! There it was again! I wondered, to myself, just what God was trying to show me. No lack can mean many different things. It may be concerning money, health, relationships or work. As I continued asking I spent some time praising and worshiping Him and declaring no lack in my life. I wanted one more song before I had to get ready to leave. He gave me "King of Love" by I Am They. That whole song is about Psalm 23. The phrase that stood out to me was: 

I nothing lack if I am His, and He is mine forever...

I felt such an overwhelming sense of His presence and love that all I could do was sit there and cry. 

That night I went to a Christmas party with some single friends. Instead of exchanging gifts, we had decided to pool our money and send it to some people in need. I felt God telling me to give a certain amount (significantly more than I usually do). And so I did. 

When I arrived home I stopped at the mailbox to get my mail. There was a Christmas card from a friend and when I opened it up, out fell a check. A few minutes later my sister called. She said that she had received Christmas money in the mail and part of it was to be divided with me. I was blown away! In one night I had received 3x the amount I had given away!

So what if my rent goes up $100/month. He's already got it covered! But even that is another story for another day. 

In God's Kingdom...THERE IS NO LACK!

Control

We all want it...

There are two sides to control and neither one is right. Sometimes we try to control others. Sometimes we let them control us.

This has been a huge issue in my own life. I'm only now realizing HOW big!

I could never stand to have people upset at me. I thought they didn't like me and I felt rejected. I went to great lengths to keep that from happening, even to the point of doing things I knew were wrong. I didn't realize who I was in Christ and that I have a voice.

I am no longer living out of fear. I can have boldness and confidence because of who God says I am! He always calls out the goodness in me. As my eyes are turned back to Him I see how his heart yearns after me.

God is NOT controlling. He gives me freedom of choice. I can choose Him or otherwise. BUT it doesn't matter what MY choice is, His is always to love me.

It isn't so much what you did, as why you did it. When you understand that, you can be healed and it will never happen again!