The Perfect Christmas

I imagine waking up Christmas morning to snowflakes softly falling and the bare, brown earth covered in a blanket of white. The house is warm and filled with all the people I love most - my family. There is happy chatter and easy banter as delicious smells waft in from the kitchen. Children laugh with glee, unable to resist peaking at the presents under the tree. After a hearty dinner of ham and fried potatoes it's time to open the gifts! My greatest delight is knowing I've given each one the thing their heart longed for most. The afternoon is peaceful and relaxed, nuts and candy and Christmas cookies within easy reach. The children (and young-at-heart) bundle up and go out to build a snowman, ending with a snowball fight. Others do puzzles or play games. Later popcorn and hot chocolate make an appearance.

********************************

I was delighted when the first snow arrived on October 14th. There have been 3 snows since then but it is not looking likely that we will have a white Christmas, with 50 degree weather predicted. 

The first 2 weeks of December I had 6 Christmas parties to go to. They were varied and fun, each in their own way, and I enjoyed interaction with many different people. The week before Christmas, however, was filled with work, fighting headaches and wondering how Christmas would really turn out. (Last year I got sick 2 days before Christmas with a bad cold. I woke up Christmas morning, wishing more than anything to stay in bed but determined not to.) And I found myself still desperately longing for ALL my family, the ones I love, to be together on Christmas day.

This Saturday was not what I would call "fun". I did my work in-between rests and a throbbing head. I was determined to go through with the birthday party for my friend. The headache lifted for a few hours and we had a good evening, but it returned later that night. I was nearly in despair and definitely in tears, but His Presence was always with me. 

Sunday morning I awoke with the headache lingering still. I decided to believe for the best and go to church. I went to the 2nd service, instead of 3rd, to make room for the many other activities of the day. I was blessed to find friends to sit with and the service ministered deeply to my heart. At noon other friends came, bringing a delicious Christmas dinner for Mom, Ann & I. In the evening we invited a young family over for snacks and games and enjoyed some interaction with children. 

Today the bath aide offered to come help with Mom (although she would not have needed to) so Ann and I went out for lunch (a rare treat these days!). We ended up at IHOP and splurged on this holiday special of "Mint Hot Chocolate".

The time seemed too short but it was good to talk one-on-one without interruptions. Tonight Ann is going with me to the early Christmas Eve service at my church and then we will come home for the traditional Christmas Eve meal of "Chili in a Bread Bowl". 

And then, at last, it will be Christmas...Mom, Ann and I...

There will be more good food, presents, fun and togetherness. And in the midst, Jesus, who showers us with love and makes it all worthwhile. 

My family won't all be together...some are in heaven, some in far-off lands... No my Christmas isn't "perfect" but still it is the best, for Jesus is the center and He draws us all together in LOVE.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Elk Falls

The miles quickly slipped away as my friend and I headed to Elk Falls, friendly chatter keeping us entertained. We stopped at Wal-Mart to make sure we had enough to eat for the weekend and then over to Dairy Queen to get a bite of supper. It was cold, dark and rainy when we finally  arrived at our cabin that night, but when the next day dawned, the sun made a valiant effort to shine. It seemed the rain had been left behind and the suns warm rays cheered our spirits.

We were in no hurry to start our day. Rest and relaxation were the main things on the agenda for the weekend. However, I soon had to work up some strength to kill a spider hiding out in the shower. Later Doris burned off some calories whacking at a wasp. We had a delicious brunch and then I started a puzzle while Doris went to chat with the neighbors.Later we headed out for a walk. The roads were quite muddy from the recent rains but still it was a lovely morning! Then we decided to check out the town.

We found a couple cute churches. The doors were locked 

so we had to content ourselves with peeking in the windows. 

This outhouse with a bit of history on the door, captured our attention. It is not for the squeamish. 

The two shops in town were closed so we headed for the falls. 

When we got back to the cabin we worked on the puzzle, read deeply spiritual books (such as "Anne's House of Dreams"), snacked and napped. Then suddenly it was time to go out again so we went for a spin on the Kubota.

We stopped to climb a tree stand but did not see any deer, 

nor did we wish to shoot any. 

That night our friends came for supper. 

One day we spent some time at this lovely park in Sedan.

 And Sunday afternoon found us heading home once again, rested and refreshed, 

and ready to face the challenges of another week.

Ruined by Love

It comes on me suddenly at random times... this overwhelming sense of love that leaves me weeping and crying out the name of Jesus. It happened yesterday at lunch and again this morning.

This song was running through my head as I awoke, Death was Arrested, especially the phrase "Oh, your grace so free, washes over me..." 

I feel it, I see Him, He is walking with me... all the time... I see Him at church, at work, in my friends and my family. He comes in the night and speaks through dreams or songs. He is everywhere! I can't get enough, I want to spend time with Him!

Spending time with Him doesn't always look like I might think. The other night I cried as I was driving home from Mom's. It was much later than I had wished and I really wanted some time with Jesus, but Mom was awake and I sat by her bed, held her hand, sang and prayed and quoted Psalms 23. Then I sat down and helped my sister shell beans and chatted, about important things. So as the tears rolled down Jesus said, "You were spending time with me, Pauline." Spending time with those you love is part of it.

And then there was the time this week when there was something I badly wanted to do and He said no. I couldn't miss the love, when He lifted my chin, looked into my eyes and explained why.

A few months ago a small group of us decided to do a study by Jack Frost called Spiritual Slavery to Spiritual Sonship. It talks about the orphan heart and the importance of being able to receive love. I realized how I have closed my heart to love and since then God has been teaching me how to live with an open heart. There's plenty of love out there. The key is being able to receive it.

If this is what love is, I like it...

New Things

I heard myself saying the other day, "I don't like new things." It seemed like a strange thing to say because I often get tired of the same ole every-day things and wish for something new or different. As I sat down to think about it, I realized that what I don't like about new things is the unknown, uncertainty and fear that it can bring. At times it also means more work. The process of getting there looks hard.

At work recently we changed banks. For me this means new checks, a new remote deposit system to learn, navigating a new online bank account, setting up a new vendor in Quick Books and making sure all pre-authorized credit card payments are switched to the correct account. During the transition time, it was the fun of making sure the deposits went to the right account while juggling check writing to make sure there were no overdrafts.

One day I was talking with a manager about some of the logistics. He said that he doesn't know for sure how it will all look, but let's keep talking about it. That gave me a lot of comfort for I realized I'm not in this alone. We are walking through it together.

I believe it's that way in the bigger picture of life, as well. When God brings new things my way I don't have to cower in fear for I see God taking my hand and saying, "Come, Pauline, we're in this together. Let's keep talking about it."

Do Not Grieve

This verse was highlighted to me this morning:

"Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength."

Nehemiah 8:10b

In this context I believe it is saying that when we understand what the Lord is doing/saying we don't have to be sad but can rejoice. It seems like sorrow and joy often go together but I have found that as I open my heart to feel the pain, and invite Jesus into that place, the greater the capacity to experience joy.

This chapter in Psalms is a favorite of mine and speaks of joy and sorrow, as well:

When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion, 

we were like those who dreamed.

Our mouths were filled with laughter, 

our tongues with songs of joy. 

Then it was said among the nations,

"The Lord has done great things for them."

The Lord has done great things for us, 

and we are filled with joy. 

Restore our fortunes, O Lord, 

like streams in the Negev.

Those who sow with tears

will reap with songs of joy. 

Those who go out weeping,

carrying seed to sow, 

will return with songs of joy,

carrying sheaves with them.

Psalms 126

Whatever place you are in today, I bless you to fully embrace all that God has and find the joy even in the sorrow.

Friends That Remember

It is 3 years ago today since Dad went home to heaven. I remember details about that day, as if it were yesterday. I'm glad he could go, but I still miss him. Don't think it is strange if you see me looking at the sky and waving. When I see a break in the clouds I often imagine it is a portal for Dad to look down and see what I'm doing.

Last year I was surprised and so blessed when a friend stopped by with flowers for me on the 2nd anniversary of Dad's death. However, this year I thought, I doubt anyone besides family will still remember. I was wrong! Mid-morning a friend popped in at Sturdi-Bilt where I work. I hadn't seen her in awhile and thought she just stopped to say "hi" but then she said she came because she remembered this special day. She also brought with her a Long John to brighten my day! It touched my heart.

I clearly remember the overwhelming feeling of love as friends poured in the day Dad died. They dropped what they were doing and brought food and flowers and hugs!

*****************

And now we are walking the journey with Mom. Some days she seems quite low and then rallies round again. I doubt it will look the same as it did with Dad. We don't know. We just keep loving and caring, savoring every moment and every word. The other day when I asked if she knew my name, she was quick to reply, "Pauline Marie!" and then she added, a bit indignantly, "What did you think I'd say?"

It looks hard to see her go but I know when the time comes there will be friends and family to surround, comfort and walk with us through it and once again they will bring...food and flowers and hugs...and we will be overwhelmed with the love. The love that never ends...

Interruptions or Opportunities?

It was nearing the end of the day and I was desperately trying to finish up last-minute things. Concentration was needed for I had discovered that some of the work lost, when Quick Books crashed several days previously, was still lost, and I had to go back and try to recall what had been done. I was tired and my head hurt. At this untimely time, one of the guys stopped by my desk with another request. I groaned inside and tried not to glare. The phone rang and another customer stopped in...

At home later that evening these words came to me: People are not interruptions to your day. They are golden opportunities to share My love. As I pondered those words I felt something shift inside me. What if I would see interruptions as opportunities to share God's love?? It changed the whole outlook on my days.

The next day my patience was tested, to be sure! My boss needed help with a project he was working on. He apologized for the interruptions and I could smile and say, "It's okay." Another worker needed much help that day, too, but it didn't bother me like it would've previously. The phone rang...and rang...and rang...but here, too, was a chance to offer kind words.

I thank God for the people He has in my life. It makes life much richer and more satisfying and gives me the opportunity to be an instrument of His love.

Pooh Bear

I'm feeling like "Pooh Bear"...

One day Pooh came home to find Piglet trying to reach the knocker to knock on his door. He kindly helped him and then said, "What a long time whoever lives here is answering this door." And he knocked again. "But Pooh," said Piglet, "it's your own house!" "Oh!" said Pooh. "So it is," he said. "Well let's go in."

*************

It was a busy week with the phone ringing almost incessantly. At times it was hard to get anything else done, certainly not without interruption. One morning I needed to call a vendor to make a correction on a bill they had sent us. I pulled out the bill and dialed the 800 number at the top. Almost immediately I heard my other line ringing, which is not uncommon these days. I decided to hang on and hope someone else in the office would pick up the other line.

Meanwhile, the number I was calling rang and rang. I thought it strange that they wouldn't have someone to answer the phone. Finally a salesman picked up our line and I heard him say, "Hello, hello?" I thought, That's strange, how did our lines get tangled up? I didn't say anything cause I didn't want to cut off whoever was calling. Finally he hung up and my phone went dead, too.

Then I began to wonder out-loud what had happened and Larry, as puzzled as ever, said that the name on the caller ID, on the call he answered, was Sturdi-Bilt. Suddenly, I began to laugh! "I think I just called myself!" I gasped between spasms of mirth. (I never call our 800 number and obviously didn't know what it was.)

And so, we had our laugh for the day! I felt a little foolish and slightly put out with myself. After-all, don't I already have more calls than I can handle??

So as Pooh would say, "We can't all and some of us don't!"

Things You Never Knew About Me

Recently one of my friends wrote a post on "10 Things You Didn't Know About Me". It got my mind rolling and I thought it would be fun to try something like that, so here goes...

1. I once climbed an elevator leg late at night, at the local feed store, with a friend and her brother. I was scared to death but the view and company were marvelous!

2. I have a cousin who was a photographer in the White House for about 10 years. He has now retired and travels, taking pictures of the world.

3. I don't like lemon in my water nor do I care for sour cream.

4. I love sleeping in and breakfast in bed (even if I have to get out of bed to make it)!

5. I once petted a baby skunk (and it wasn't at the zoo).

6. I lived in the same house for 8 months with 3 Labs. I would probably do it again but only for the love of babies.

7. A friend let me attend the birth of her baby and I got to hold the newest newborn ever!

8. My great-grandfather built Hopefield Mennonite Church close to Moundridge, KS.

9. In my zeal with a scissors, one day at work, I snipped off a piece of my finger. I had fun "grossing out" the guys by showing it around.

10. I love fishing (if I have someone to put the worm on the hook)! And eating them is even better!

11. My first trip to Glacier National Park was at 6 months old. I don't remember that one but I have been there several times since and the "11-mile hike" stands out in my memory. The last 3 miles were all downhill and I fared better than my Dad, whose knees wanted to give out.

12. I still dream of a man to share my life, and... triplets.

Life

The gentle breeze and pleasant 80-degree weather is a delightful way to end the week. After strong, damaging winds, drenching rain, and hail, it is a blessed reprieve. I breathe in the smell of freshly-mown grass, and buds nearly ready to burst into bloom are a welcome sight.

The battles in the spirit realm were raging, as well. One night a friend stopped in to offer words of encouragement and hope. As she was leaving, she snapped this picture of a warrior angel over my house.

I felt comforted, safe and protected. That night it felt like something was broken in the spirit realm and things slowly began to turn for the better.

Today was a day of rest and refreshment with just enough work to get by.:) I love Saturday mornings when I don't have to rush off to work but can take all the time I need talking to God. I stay in that place until He speaks and my heart feels at rest again. I needed that today for I did not feel at peace when I awoke this morning. There were two glaring things (totally unrelated, I thought) staring me in the face that I wanted answers for and as I prayed and worshiped and focused on God, suddenly I got a "word", in one short sentence, that tied the two together. I was surprised and delighted! It gave me a lightness of heart I hadn't had before and courage to get out of bed and brave another day.

I made "Dutch Puff" for breakfast and soaked in a bit of sun, while eating, for at that time of the morning my house still had a chill to it. I didn't feel very inspired to tackle my "To Do" list so texted my brother to see if he was busy. We talked for over 2 hours. After that I did get down to working (a little). I did a bit of mending and just enough cleaning to soothe my conscience. I painted a bulletin board frame white. I took a nap (just because I could). I had fun cooking and preparing a picnic for my Mom and sister who were coming in the evening.

Afterwards we went to McDonald's and got ice cream cones. What a lovely ending to a lovely day!

Someday...

Spring is a time of new life, warm breezes and sunshine. It makes me want to kick off my shoes and run barefoot in the thick, green grass. Or sit on the swing with a friend and talk...about life... In the early morning dawn I can hear the birds cheerily singing their songs. I eagerly look for the first flowers to pop out and start dreaming of picnics.

And someday I will have a lawn such as this...

Living My Dream

It's here. Sometimes I sit and shake my head and wonder, Is this true? The thing I've dreamed and longed for, for years. It doesn't look like I thought it would. Some days I think, Why did I want this?

I never thought I'd take on another full-time job. That is what this feels like.

It's exciting and exhilarating, exhausting and taxing, all at the same time. It's hard and sometimes lonely but challenging and satisfying, too. I said yes, not because I thought it would be easy, but because I saw it as an opportunity for me to grow. Grow in my relationship with God and people.

I have never felt so inadequate for a job and the need of utter dependence on God. And, yet, there is a confidence I've never had before, that comes from knowing He has called me to this, given me authority and He will provide everything I need to do the job well. I might not get it right the first time. I might not always have the right words. But I have a team and people supporting me and together with God we will see it through.

I love talking with people and showing them how big the Father's heart is towards them. I love sharing the things He has shown me and bits and pieces of my own story. It's so amazing to see the light and joy in a person's eyes when they hear words of truth from the Father himself, that set them free from years of pain and bondage.

New life is springing forth! It can be yours today. Come walk in the fullness He has for you.

Outrageously, Ridiculously Loved!

Valentine's Day didn't seem like that big a deal this year, as sometimes it has in the past. I didn't feel like I had to have flowers to know I was loved. Sometimes you just have that deep "knowing" and it's okay. Other times it's nice to have an outward sign.

So, a couple days ago I was reading what someone else had written about Valentine's Day (and, for the life of me, I can't remember who it was or what they wrote) and it prompted me to pray for God to send me a sign of His love.

Later that day a Kit-Kat randomly appeared on my desk.

I did a double-take and looked again. Where did THAT come from? Now, Kit-Kat's are one of my favorites and never-mind that they typically come in red wrappers. This one came in purple, my favorite color. The tears started to fall, and I quickly wiped them away when I thought no one was looking.

That night as I was going to bed and reviewing what had happened, these words came to me: Outrageously, Ridiculously Loved! And all the tension, stress, worry, fears of the day faded away.

Loving being loved,
Polly

P.S. The next morning I was handed another Kit-Kat, quite out-of-the-blue, and it was 4 times as big as the first one!

Always There

She has always been there...

I remember Ann telling of when they got the news that they had a baby sister. Her and Tim danced around Grandma's living room! So I don't know what happened the day Ann was born, there is no one left to tell of it, but I can imagine the joy and delight Dad & Mom must've felt that day to finally hold their first child.

Ann is 5 years older than I, so we weren't that close growing up. She often had her nose in a book or was helping Mom bake in the kitchen. The one year that we home schooled, she was my teacher. As the years went by the age difference didn't seem to matter as much anymore.

She moved back to Kansas in '89 and begged me to come, as well. About 6 months later, I did. We lived together several years and when Dad & Mom moved back they wanted us to move in with them. Neither of us married and so we have spent many of our adult years together. Youth group activities, traveling, attending the same churches, working up North and caring for Dad & Mom are some of the things we have done. We have worked together to make holidays special when Mom no longer could.

For many years she worked as secretary/office manager for Nisly Brothers Trash Service. Of late, she let that go to stay at home and care for Mom. Tending her garden and chickens along the way is a delight. She has a big heart and generously shares, from eggs to home-baked goods to garden produce. Recently she took up cheese-making, as well. I can testify to the goodness! She has a beautiful, white dog, named Teddy, that she has spent hours training.

Ann is persistent and courageous and willing to take risks to pursue her dreams.

She has been there through my ups and downs, encouraged me when others put me down, helped me pursue my dreams and let me talk when that is what was needed. We live on the same road and she often invites me for supper, serving up nutritious and tasty food.

I can't imagine life without her!

Thanks for always being there, Ann, and being someone I know I can count on! You are loved!

A Sister Beloved

One of my earliest memories is when I was nearly 3 years old and Mom brought my new baby sister home from the hospital.  I begged to hold her! What a sweet bundle of preciousness!

We had lots of fun growing up! One of our favorite things to do was play "church". Often we sat on the steps with our dolls. They always needed a snack of Cheerios. On warm summer days we had "church" on the front porch. Now our babies were the cats. Oh, they were so bad, we often had to take them out and spank them. Their snack was dog food. If they sat still long enough we dressed them in doll dresses.

We often shared a room and sometimes even a bed. We would talk late into the night till finally we had to get up to go to the bathroom. Softly we would creep down the hall, holding the laughter inside so Mom & Dad wouldn't hear us.

Mom often made us matching dresses - same fabric but different colors. At one stage we were very much the same size and were sometimes mistaken for twins.

Sarah married at a young age and moved to Canada. Over the years she raised 7 children.

She is courageous , self-sacrificing and generous! For many years she has lived far from her family, for the sake of her own. She has a hearty laugh that is infectious. Sarah is a fabulous cook! She makes French Toast with delicious fruit sauces and her pie crust is flaky and tasty!

When the children were young I often went to visit, especially when a new little one was added to the family. Such fun times of rocking babies and late-night talks! In more recent years I have not gotten to make the trek so often.

This past Christmas, however, once again found me in the cold, snow-laden north! This time there were no babies but instead a houseful of teenagers and more! What a delight to relate on a different level. Sarah was still doing what she does well - cooking! She saw, with precision, to the details of comfort she knew I would like - down to the slippers and hairdryer. It spite of the many tasks and responsibilities that come with running a busy household, she made sure I was loved on, taken care of and spoiled!

What a gift and ray of sunshine Sarah has been to our family! We love you, Sarah!

A Brother to Be Proud Of

I appeared on the scene when Tim was 18 months old. From a very young age I adored my brother and tried to copy everything he did, as you can tell from this ancient picture. 

When we got a bit older I tried to keep up with him, climbing trees and chasing frogs. We made a raft to sail on the old lagoon (no longer in use) and had secret tunnels in the old weeds behind the barn. Many hours were spent riding bike and I learned to ride with "no hands", thanks to Tim!

When we moved on the dairy farm, we worked together doing chores and putting up hay. I spent many hours running the swather and Tim would come behind with the chopper or baler. For a short time we were in the youth group together.

Years passed and we went our separate ways. Tim married and moved to Canada. I moved back to Kansas. We seldom saw each other anymore, although we still talked on the phone.

But now! He is here! What fun to have more time together for an extended period and to see the fine young man he has become!

Mom loves having him around! She usually can call him by name, although names do not come easily for her any more. He plays countless games of Dominoes with her, although it isn't one of his favorite things to do. When Ann has tucked Mom in for the evening, Tim gives her a kiss and a goodnight.

Tim sees what needs to be done and does it! Like fixing the doorbell, putting in new light bulbs, repairing the oven door and other such things.

Although he is staying at Mom's place, I still have gotten to see him a fair bit. He went with me to a doctor's appointment in Wichita and helped me shop for shades, offering to put them up for me. He is also a handy mechanic and is doing some repairs on my car.

He has helped me "slow down" and make time for what is really important. On Saturday we went out for breakfast, which we both love doing! As soon as the food was finished off I said, "Shall we go?" He replied, "Don't rush me. I'm not done with my coffee." So I settled back in my seat and then is when we started talking about things that are really important. It was quite some time later that we left, both feeling satisfied.

Tim is tender-hearted, thoughtful and kind. It's been so good to reconnect in a deeper way. And the laughter has been a balm for my soul!

Thanks for coming, Tim! You're the best!