Of Tangled Yarn and Butterflies

My Mom loved to knit and crochet. She would take yarn and weave it into afghans, sweaters or slippers. Potholders were popular or toilet paper covers. I loved the little magnets in the shape of butterflies or oreo cookies. The finer thread was turned into beautiful doilies. At 16 she crocheted a lace tablecloth and she once made a light house. 

Now a skein of yarn is designed to pull freely from the inside out but I remember it wasn't always so. Sometimes things got tangled up and knotted inside and it did not pull easily. I would sit down and help Mom, ever so carefully, sort out the mess, untie the knots and then wind it into a nice ball again. 

Today as I was spending time with Jesus, I saw him doing that for me. My tangled, twisted up thinking in a knotted mess, he carefully straightened out and wound into a ball so it could be used to make something beautiful. And I saw butterflies, beautiful butterflies...the kind that Mom used to make. 

I don't know what your tangled mess is, but I know that he wants to straighten it out and make it into something beautiful. Like butterflies...

The Long Walk

 My sister and I headed to Medicine Lodge for a few days of rest and relaxation, away from the "busyness" of life. I was looking forward to a long over-due and much-anticipated vacation. 

We didn't rush off in the morning and took our leisurely time getting there, as the check-in time at the Airbnb was 3:00. Even so we got to Medicine Lodge well before 3, so decided to check out Barber State Lake. 

In spite of the clouds and chilly air, it was a great day for a walk, and we decided to tackle the (supposedly) 2-mile walk around the lake. It looked simple enough. From where we stood we could see the whole lake and a road winding around. In high spirits we started off!

After awhile the sun came out and I started shedding some of my jackets. About half way we found a spot to sit and gaze at the water, while continuing one of our many and varied conversations. We soon started off again and then began to question where this road was taking us. It didn't seem quite as clear as before. There seemed to be lots of other roads branching off. Time and again we would take what seemed to be the right road, only to find it just looped back around to the road we had been on earlier. We tried to keep the lake in view as well as our vehicle on the other side. 

The sun was getting hotter and the energy level starting to wane. We were getting thirsty and beginning to question whether we should turn around and go back the way we had come. But, no, we were not lost, we were quite sure of that for the lake was still in view! And so we trudged on. At last it seemed we were getting somewhere when I spotted a quaint-looking bridge and begged Ann to stop. I just wanted to sit and swing my legs on that bridge and feel like a care-free 10-year-old again! So we did! It was then that Ann decided to pull up the GPS and try to figure out where we were. We were surprised to discover that there were two parts to this lake and this was the exact spot where we needed to cut across in order to get back to point A. 

Isn't this much how life often is? We start out in high spirits but then the way seems long, the sun is hot and we are tired and thirsty. This seems to be taking much longer than we expected and we're not even sure if we are on the right road. We wonder if we should turn around and go back. But, no, there is the lake and our final destination we can see in the distance. We press on, trusting God to show the way. We may take a few extra loops (which leave us feeling loopy!) but we get on the right track again. And as we stop on the bridge to take a break and feel the joy of being 10 again, we realize this is the bridge that will take us back home. 

It's Okay to Cry

Recently I met with a small group of friends and came away feeling "missed". When I thought more about it, I realized that I had told myself, I don't want to cry, and, therefore, avoided talking about the things that I was really feeling/facing that week. 

Crying makes me feel vulnerable. It can be hard to explain. People often don't know what to do with it and sometimes, neither do I. 

This past week my nephew, Justin, and his girlfriend, Sarah, came for a brief visit.

I cried when they came and I cried when they left. When I thought about it, I realized I hadn't seen my sister or any of her family for over 2 years (partly due to COVID) and what a loss that was for me. 

Yesterday I heard this song, When We Fall Apart, for the first time on the radio, and today I took time to listen to it more closely. "It's okay to cry...you don't have to try to be strong when you are not..."

I've tried for so long to hold it all together, to be strong, to be there for others, to pretend everything's okay even when it's not... But now...I'm hearing the Father say: It's okay to cry. I am here to hold you and to carry the pain. 

Psalms 56:8 says he puts all our tears in a bottle. If He is okay with crying, I guess I am, too. 

Whatever you're facing today, I pray that you can find the healing power in tears. Give yourself permission to cry. It's okay.

Bringing Beauty Back

Some seasons feel dry and barren, alone and empty, like you're walking in a desert with burning sand beneath your feet. All feels hopeless, there is no water in sight. You can't see where you're going but still you blindly plow ahead, for moving is important to survival. 

I recently found myself in one of these seasons and then...it began to rain... At first only a drop here or there. A red-winged blackbird sitting on a fence, ice cream with a cherry on top, sun breaking through the clouds, supper on the porch or an email from a friend, "Missed you on Sunday!"

One night I awoke in the wee hours of the morning and couldn't go back to sleep. Finally I switched on my lamp and opened my Bible. My eyes fell on these verses:

"And they shall be my people and I shall be their God. I will give them one heart and one way, that they may fear me forever...I will not turn away from doing good to them...I will rejoice in doing them good and I will plant them in this land in faithfulness...I will bring upon them all the good that I promise them."

Jeremiah 32:38-42 ESV

And more and more "good things" have been coming my way. One Sunday I was feeling low and thought I'd just slip in the side door, not talk to anyone and find a quiet corner to sit by myself. But...a friend saw me and came and sat with me. I hadn't realized how much I needed that and thanked her afterwards. When talking about it later to some other friends  the one said, "Nope! Not happening!" and has made a point ever since to sit with me. 

Yesterday I met a friend in Buhler. We had a leisurely lunch at "The Mustard Seed" and then wandered across the street to "Grand Staff Thrift Boutique". The original plan was to hit the city-wide yard sales but by the time we got around to that they were mostly done. Oh well, spending time with a friend was the main thing. Before we parted she gave me this beautiful plant!

Church was so good again today - worship, rich spiritual food from the book of Ruth, connecting with friends. And when I got home my dear sister had this beauty waiting for me.

Thank you, Father, for the beauty in my life - flowers, friends, and most of all your abundant love and goodness you so lavishly pour out! How great is the goodness of God! It's there, every day. Open my eyes to see!

Snow and Joy

I was reading this morning in Isaiah 55:10-11:

"For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out of my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it."

And then...a friend texted me and said, "Enjoy the snow!" Since I live "underground" I was oblivious to the fact that it was even snowing. I ran up the stairs and was blown away with the beauty of the huge flakes drifting down, such as we seldom see in Kansas! It was coming thick and fast and there was not a moment to be wasted. (Although, I must say, I did waste some and by the time I got out the door it wasn't nearly as pretty.) But still! I invited my sister to go on a walk and we ended up playing "Fox and Geese"! Which lasted, well, shall we say, a short time but got us laughing and hearts pumping!

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Back to my verses of the morning...

God says his word does not return to him empty but will accomplish the purpose for which he sent it. I needed to hear that today. The snow he sent was another confirmation. Snow brings me joy. God's word brings me joy.

So don't give up! If you have a "word" from the Lord, know that even now he is working to bring it to pass. He is faithful. Always. And with it comes joy.

"For you shall go out in joy, and be led forth in peace..."

Isaish 55:12b

 

He Speaks Peace...

 The day felt long and I was tired. Thoughts of a quiet, undisturbed evening at home, kept me going through the afternoon. The 5:00 o'clock bell rang and I raced out the door and headed for home. My hopes were dashed as I saw the plumber's truck in the driveway. I knew they were planning to come replace our water heater but I thought they would long be done by 5. Oh well, I thought, they are probably just finishing up. But, no! they were only just beginning! 

The space in my apartment is quite compact, at best, and they were effectively blocking my kitchen and bathroom, with droughts of cold air blowing in the open door. This was NOT what I had in mind! I felt decidedly grumpy and wanted to sit down and cry. Instead, I went upstairs to lament my woes to my sister's listening ear. She was quite sympathetic and suggested going out for supper. Even that didn't cheer me as much as you would've thought and I found myself grumbling and complaining the whole way. 

When we returned some time later, what was my dismay to see the plumber was STILL there! I couldn't believe it! Grumbling and complaining even more I went with Ann to work on the puzzle. Normally, I love puzzles but tonight my heart wasn't in it. 

At long last the water heater was installed, the placed cleaned up and I was free to return to my own abode. All I could do was sit down and have that good cry. When, at last, the tears began to subside I took up my Bible and journal. It was then I realized that what happened that evening was only a culmination of disappointments I had felt earlier that day. This was only a "small" thing but the others were quite significant. Things that didn't seem to have any answers no matter how much I prayed and came back to haunt me time and again! 

And then God reminded me of the story of Lazarus' death in John 11. I'm not going to tell the whole story here (you can read it for yourself) but only a few things he highlighted to me. Lazarus' sisters asked Jesus to come because he was sick but he didn't show up till after Lazarus died! And then he came and asked them to show him where they had laid him. I would've said, "No, it's too late! It STINKS and I'm not going there again! I asked you to come and you didn't. Why do you want to look at it now??"

Our deepest disappointments are when it feels like God didn't come through for us, but that is the place he wants to go with us so he can speak and bring life. 

What about you? What is your deepest disappointment? Take Jesus there and let him speak into that place. Listen closely, for what he says will surprise you. 

And always, always...he speaks peace...

My 1st Birthday Card

 

A few months ago my cousin was going through some of her mom's things and found the birth announcement my mom had sent when I was born. I was delighted that she stuck it in the mail and sent it to me! It feels extra special since mom is no longer with us. This is how it reads inside:

Name: Pauline Marie

Date: January 2, 1970 at 1:12 p.m.

Parents: Dan & Betty Schrag

Weight: 8 lbs. 3 1/4 oz. and 19 inches long

First baby in 1970 at McPherson County Hospital.

I loved the personal note Mom wrote on the back to her good friend and sister-in-law: "Baby has quite a bit of dark hair...we named her after Grandma Schrag - both names are also middle names of my sisters."

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In the last 50-some years I have received many beautiful cards and well-wishes from family and friends. More recently it is posts on Facebook, texts or e-cards. I love them all, but still there is a special place in my heart for that 1st sweet little card announcing to the world:

"Our Baby is Here!"