The Voice

"I don't like you. I really don't like you. I don't like how you look. I don't like how you act. I don't like what you wear. I don't like your hair. I don't like what you eat. I don't like who you are," said The Voice. The little girl sat in the corner, sobbing, covering her ears with her hands to shut out The Voice. But it didn't help. She sobbed all the louder, the weeping turning to uncontrollable, gut-wrenching wailing! 

"Why? Why don't you like me?" she asked. "You are always trying to get attention, think you are better than others, putting other people down, being nosy, asking questions and doing silly things," said The Voice. "You shirk your responsibility, you don't volunteer enough and you like to play and have fun instead of praying and reading your Bible," continued The Voice. The sobbing only got louder. Is this true? Whose voice is it? thought Little Girl.

After a time, all grew quiet, and she dared to lift her head. In the distance she saw a soft, white figure gliding towards her. There was a smile on her face and she came and sat down beside Little Girl and drew her into her lap. Little Girl felt a peace and warmth and comfort flow through her. And love, wrapping around. And then she heard The Voice, but this time it was soft and gentle and kind. "I love you Baby Girl. I'm so proud of you! You are doing such a good job! Anyone would be proud to have you for a friend! You are trustworthy, kind, welcoming, refreshing, peaceful & inspiring. You know what love is and you go after it with all your heart. I see your desires and they are good!"

"All I wanted," sobbed Little Girl, "was to be loved. That's all I ever wanted."

"I'm sooo sorry," said The Voice, "I'm so sorry I didn't know how to love you, but I'm learning now."

Little Girl jumped up and gave The Voice a big, bear hug! She smiled to herself and thought, That Voice was mine all along. How different it feels when The Voice is gentle and kind instead of harsh and critical. I'm so glad we're friends at last!

Trustworthy

I recently did an exercise I found on the "Triggered and True" website by Laura Duncan. It is called "How I am Seen." They give you a list of 30 positive, descriptive words that you send to 10 people. You ask each person to pick one word that best describes you and why they think so. I was unprepared for the response. 

For starters, my words for myself have often been less than positive. I can be my own worst critic. This exercise really shed some light for me. 

I was overwhelmed as I read the words that people gave me. The tears kept falling as I felt the Father bring healing to the hurt and broken places in my heart. 

There was one word that kept coming up again and again. Five times, in fact! Out of 30 words to choose from and 12 people (I know, I know - I couldn't stop with 10!), how could 5 of them pick the same word??! Trustworthy! And the one word I would not have chosen for myself. You see, there were things in my past that made me feel less than trustworthy and the kind and loving Father knew that. As I sat with Him I felt Him saying, "But that's your past, Pauline, not your present. That has been forgiven and you need to move on. It's what you do with your mistakes that makes the difference. You have proven yourself and I trust you completely." 

I'm finding that trust starts first with me. I have to trust myself, before I can even trust God, and definitely others. But God is trustworthy, it's part of His character, and I am made in His image, so I am, too. 

Don't let your past mistakes define you, but live in the confidence of who God created you to be!

Still learning,

Pauline

Amazed by Him!

Everyone has their own journey and it is unique to them. In trying to understand/process my own story, I have come to the realization that every part of my journey has been significant to get me to the place where I am now. There may have been things that felt "bad", choices I made that weren't ideal, people that hurt me or I hurt them, but God has a way of using those things, too.

Last night I went to a community event at Stutzman's Greenhouse called "Evening Aglow", where they have music and lights, hundreds of poinsettias, cider and chocolate. I browsed through the gift shop and drooled over the snowmen, becoming increasingly convinced that I needed to add to my collection. Later I met up with friends and we wandered around some more. 

At these events I am always on the lookout for a chance to see people I may not run into otherwise. I was not disappointed. While wandering around, I noticed a lady that I thought looked familiar, and looking more intently, was quite convinced so. She would've passed me by, but I timidly reached out and touched her arm. At first glance, she was puzzled, but when I said my name, a glad light sprang into her eyes and she hugged me furiously. It was a coworker from 30+ years ago at Helmuth Bakery! (As Pat said, "You were just a young kid!") It was so fun to chat and before we parted ways she gave me another hug!

This, of course, got me thinking about those days. That was my first job and my first time away from home (many hundreds of miles from home!). I was young, trying to figure out life, often felt alone and not sure where I belonged. I never realized till today how Pat was somewhat of a "mother-figure" to me in that season. Even when I was unaware, God had people to help me through difficult times. 

Take heart my friends! You are not forgotten. You are not alone. You are loved and seen and known by the most gracious and kind Father who is constantly looking out for your good!

"No weapon that is fashioned against you shall succeed, and you shall refute every tongue that rises against you in judgment..." Isaiah 54:17a