A Message of Hope

Easter! It's such a familiar story that I've heard all my life. The story of Jesus dying and then coming to life again. But what does it mean for me personally? How can I know and experience it now?

I woke up this morning asking the question, What do I need today? Immediately I thought, I want someone to be with. This has been a recurring theme for me. Much of my life I have felt very alone. Some of it has been of my own making. Because of the pain and fear of being hurt I have built high walls to protect myself and even abandoned myself in the process. In my journey,the last several years to find healing and wholeness, I have discovered there is lots of love all around. My job is to open my heart to receive it. 

The other day as I was sitting with Jesus, feeling some sadness and pain from the past, he said to me, "I came because I love you and want to be with you! You were sad cause you thought you were losing love. Dry you eyes, my Child, love will never leave you.You will see a resurrection, for that same power that raised me from the dead, is at work in you." What I thought was dead, He is bringing to life. 

My past, my pain, my failures, my regrets can't keep me from His love. 2 Corinthians 5:21 "God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." The definition of righteous is: free from guilt or sin; in right standing with God. 

Love is free. I don't have to earn it. That is why Jesus came. All I have to do is open my heart and receive it. 

So for today, Jesus is with me. It may be the kind eyes looking into mine, the gentle hand on my shoulder, the hug from a friend, the irises blooming outside my window, the song Living Hope or Easter dinner shared with a sister. It may simply be sitting with Jesus. He is here. I am not alone. 

Is the Volume Turned On?

Last Saturday I girded the loins of my mind and decided to go shopping in the big city of Wichita. At least to this small-town, country gal it seems big. I'm not much of a shopper to start with and when you combine it with city driving, well, you might say, it takes a lot of courage. However, my adventurous spirit kicked in and I decided to tackle it head-on. Actually, the biggest attraction was the thought of meeting a long-time friend for lunch. 

My first stop that morning was at Christopher & Banks. This place was not hard to find. I could've even done it without the GPS but I put it on, just in case. As I was in the fitting room, I heard this voice coming from the depths of my purse, instructing me where to make the next turn. I was embarrassed and slightly disgusted and turned the volume off. That should fix it, I thought. I finished fitting on clothes, paid for my purchases and headed out the door. 

Now where am I going? I pulled my phone out and put the address in the GPS. I slowly started driving, waiting for it to start "talking". It didn't! I was peeved. Sometimes it talks and sometimes it doesn't, so I kept going, fervently hoping it would decide to use it's voice. It's hard to drive (in traffic, no less!) while trying to look at the GPS to see where I am going. I thought I knew which street to turn on but I wasn't sure which direction so I missed the turn and pulled off. Now I was getting mad! Why isn't this stupid thing "talking"?? I looked it over to see if I could figure out any clues. Hmmm....I suddenly remembered what had happened in the dressing room. It might help to turn the volume up. Amazingly, after that it worked!

This got me thinking...

There are times I wonder why God isn't talking to me. I'm asking for directions cause I REALLY NEED TO KNOW WHERE TO GO! But I don't hear anything and I'm too impatient to sit and wait till I do, so I forge ahead and then miss my turn. Then I waste time back-tracking and feel frustrated. Why? Why do I do this? Wouldn't it have been better to sit and listen until I knew which direction to go? And maybe it would also help if I turn the volume on. Some of the things that put it in the "off" position may be doubt, unbelief, busyness, worry or fear. These definitely keep me from hearing. How about you?

"...in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength..." Isaiah 30:15

Take Courage...

...He's in the waiting...

This song, Take Courage, popped up on a playlist this morning and I was reminded how much I like it. The phrase that especially stood out to me was, He's in the waiting... 

I'm sure we all have things we're waiting for and sometimes the waiting can feel like wasted time. Recently, the Lord said to me, "There is joy in the waiting." So I've been looking for the joy. Here are a few things from this week. 

**************************

One morning I went to work feeling rather sad and lonely. Before long a coworker arrived with his 3-year-old daughter in tow and a box of donuts. It brought a smile to my face. The daughter is a delight to chat with and donuts are my favorite. A bit later I found the little girl quietly sitting in the kitchen eating her donut. I sat down across from her and struck up a conversation. We talked of important things, such as, her new house, her new baby brother and our favorite colors. I found out that it isn't okay to have the same favorite color. Since hers is purple, she graciously offered that I could have pink. I wasn't so sure... None the less, it got my day off to a good start!

Yesterday I was getting ready to go to the bank at 3:30 and my manager said that I could go on home if I wanted to. I thought about that for a bit and decided I didn't want to, so instead I stopped at Dillons, and, on a whim, got a box of mini Cookies 'N Cream Cupcakes and took them back to the office. They were met with surprise and delight and enjoyed by all. 

In the evening I pulled out my old Andy Griffith movies and watched "A Wife for Andy". His friend, Barney, had quite some interesting ways of helping him (although he didn't want any help) and I got some good chuckles in. After that I rough-housed with the neighbors dog and laughed some more!

What brings you joy? Grab it and run! Don't let it pass you by!

He's in the waiting and in the waiting is joy. 

She Laughs...

 ... without fear of the future. Prov. 31:25b NLT

I know we are well into the new year, but there are some profound things God showed me at the beginning of this year that I want to share. Hopefully, it will encourage you as much as it did me. 

There were two verses that were highlighted to me: 

    "She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future." Prov. 31:25

    "And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord." Luke 1:45

There are several things that stood out to me. 

1. It is important to hear from the Lord (know what He is saying)

2. It is important to believe what He tells me.

3. The way to be free of fear of the future is by believing what He said.

The next morning I felt the Lord saying, "Be still and know that I am God." I looked up that verse and then got to reading the whole chapter of Psalms 46. It says that God is our refuge and strength, therefore, we will not fear though the earth gives way...the Lord of hosts is with us... he makes wars cease to the end of the earth... 

Will I believe what He says?? Not what everyone else says about the terrible world situation, but what He says??

***************************

And now, to bring it down to a more practical, everyday level...

Provision has felt really big to me recently. The fear of not being provided for, whether it is finances, food, friends, emotional needs, etc. 

I get milk from a local dairy and it has been hard to communicate because they don't have a cell phone. I have tried my best to let them know when I am coming so they can have my gallon of milk in the fridge, but in spite of my best efforts there were several times when it got missed. So the last time when I drove up the guy was waiting for me by the milk house door. (Often no one is around when I come, so I thought, this doesn't look good.) And then he said the dreaded words, "I don't have any milk for you today." Apparently, the milk truck had shown up on an "off" day and taken all the milk. He said he would try and have it for me the next day. I can't say I wasn't disappointed and even cried a few tears. The next day I couldn't help feeling anxious still - would there actually be milk for me today?? As I drove towards the farm I thanked God for his provision. When I walked in the milk house and opened the fridge door, this is what I saw:

I cried...again. This time they were tears of joy. I felt seen and cared for. God saw my little gallon of milk. He made sure that it was there for me, and, more than that, he gave it to me free.

She laughs... with the carefree abandon of a child who knows she is deeply loved and will ALWAYS be taken care of!

The Voice

"I don't like you. I really don't like you. I don't like how you look. I don't like how you act. I don't like what you wear. I don't like your hair. I don't like what you eat. I don't like who you are," said The Voice. The little girl sat in the corner, sobbing, covering her ears with her hands to shut out The Voice. But it didn't help. She sobbed all the louder, the weeping turning to uncontrollable, gut-wrenching wailing! 

"Why? Why don't you like me?" she asked. "You are always trying to get attention, think you are better than others, putting other people down, being nosy, asking questions and doing silly things," said The Voice. "You shirk your responsibility, you don't volunteer enough and you like to play and have fun instead of praying and reading your Bible," continued The Voice. The sobbing only got louder. Is this true? Whose voice is it? thought Little Girl.

After a time, all grew quiet, and she dared to lift her head. In the distance she saw a soft, white figure gliding towards her. There was a smile on her face and she came and sat down beside Little Girl and drew her into her lap. Little Girl felt a peace and warmth and comfort flow through her. And love, wrapping around. And then she heard The Voice, but this time it was soft and gentle and kind. "I love you Baby Girl. I'm so proud of you! You are doing such a good job! Anyone would be proud to have you for a friend! You are trustworthy, kind, welcoming, refreshing, peaceful & inspiring. You know what love is and you go after it with all your heart. I see your desires and they are good!"

"All I wanted," sobbed Little Girl, "was to be loved. That's all I ever wanted."

"I'm sooo sorry," said The Voice, "I'm so sorry I didn't know how to love you, but I'm learning now."

Little Girl jumped up and gave The Voice a big, bear hug! She smiled to herself and thought, That Voice was mine all along. How different it feels when The Voice is gentle and kind instead of harsh and critical. I'm so glad we're friends at last!

Trustworthy

I recently did an exercise I found on the "Triggered and True" website by Laura Duncan. It is called "How I am Seen." They give you a list of 30 positive, descriptive words that you send to 10 people. You ask each person to pick one word that best describes you and why they think so. I was unprepared for the response. 

For starters, my words for myself have often been less than positive. I can be my own worst critic. This exercise really shed some light for me. 

I was overwhelmed as I read the words that people gave me. The tears kept falling as I felt the Father bring healing to the hurt and broken places in my heart. 

There was one word that kept coming up again and again. Five times, in fact! Out of 30 words to choose from and 12 people (I know, I know - I couldn't stop with 10!), how could 5 of them pick the same word??! Trustworthy! And the one word I would not have chosen for myself. You see, there were things in my past that made me feel less than trustworthy and the kind and loving Father knew that. As I sat with Him I felt Him saying, "But that's your past, Pauline, not your present. That has been forgiven and you need to move on. It's what you do with your mistakes that makes the difference. You have proven yourself and I trust you completely." 

I'm finding that trust starts first with me. I have to trust myself, before I can even trust God, and definitely others. But God is trustworthy, it's part of His character, and I am made in His image, so I am, too. 

Don't let your past mistakes define you, but live in the confidence of who God created you to be!

Still learning,

Pauline

Amazed by Him!

Everyone has their own journey and it is unique to them. In trying to understand/process my own story, I have come to the realization that every part of my journey has been significant to get me to the place where I am now. There may have been things that felt "bad", choices I made that weren't ideal, people that hurt me or I hurt them, but God has a way of using those things, too.

Last night I went to a community event at Stutzman's Greenhouse called "Evening Aglow", where they have music and lights, hundreds of poinsettias, cider and chocolate. I browsed through the gift shop and drooled over the snowmen, becoming increasingly convinced that I needed to add to my collection. Later I met up with friends and we wandered around some more. 

At these events I am always on the lookout for a chance to see people I may not run into otherwise. I was not disappointed. While wandering around, I noticed a lady that I thought looked familiar, and looking more intently, was quite convinced so. She would've passed me by, but I timidly reached out and touched her arm. At first glance, she was puzzled, but when I said my name, a glad light sprang into her eyes and she hugged me furiously. It was a coworker from 30+ years ago at Helmuth Bakery! (As Pat said, "You were just a young kid!") It was so fun to chat and before we parted ways she gave me another hug!

This, of course, got me thinking about those days. That was my first job and my first time away from home (many hundreds of miles from home!). I was young, trying to figure out life, often felt alone and not sure where I belonged. I never realized till today how Pat was somewhat of a "mother-figure" to me in that season. Even when I was unaware, God had people to help me through difficult times. 

Take heart my friends! You are not forgotten. You are not alone. You are loved and seen and known by the most gracious and kind Father who is constantly looking out for your good!

"No weapon that is fashioned against you shall succeed, and you shall refute every tongue that rises against you in judgment..." Isaiah 54:17a