Make Room

There is a song that has been on repeat for me for the last several months. It is called "Make Room". You can listen to it here. I have been intentionally leaning in to hear what He is saying, especially in situations that feel hard and I don't understand. Right now there seem to be a lot of those. 

Sometimes it can feel like I'm in the same place for a very long time. This isn't necessarily bad. If you look at the story of the Israelites you will see that their journey through the wilderness wasn't on a certain time schedule. They didn't walk 20 miles every day, for example. It says in Numbers 9:23 "At the command of the Lord they camped, and at the command of the Lord they set out." It was about listening to what God was saying, not the amount of ground covered. Just because I haven't progressed to a certain point doesn't mean that there aren't important things taking place in my heart, and these may be the very things that will prepare me for the "promised land". 

This morning I felt like there was so much "stuff" I wanted to talk to God about that REALLY NEEDED ANSWERS! You know, that desperate kind of feeling. But I sensed that He just wanted to sit with me. And I needed that. To know that I'm valued, wanted, worth His time, that He is with me and I'm enjoyed and delighted in. And then, after awhile, He looked at me with eyes of love and started talking in His kind, gentle way. These are some of the things He said (now He was the one asking questions!), "Pauline, do you just want answers to your questions so you can get on with life and don't need me? Do you enjoy our relationship?" And then he said, "Just because something is delayed doesn't mean that it's not important, it might be because of its importance that it is delayed." (Isn't it amazing how He knows what we are thinking?!)

Delays are hard. They can make me angry and bitter and less than happy. But even in that I want to make room for what He is doing. I might only get a glimpse now but someday it may make more sense. And even if I never understand, I still know that He is ALWAYS working for my good and the work He started He will bring to completion. 

Make room for Him today...

A New Perspective - What If?

As many of you know, I am not a pet lover. I prefer them at a distance and definitely not in the house, if they are of the shedding variety. However, when I was young, I saw many cats and dogs come and go on the farm. I admit I did my share of cuddling the cats and talking to the dogs and even sneaking them into the house when Mom had her back turned. 

More recently, I realized I actually have a fear of dogs. A few closeups with less than kindly beasts left me trembling and thinking all dogs are to be feared. So for the most part, I avoid them. 

Some time back I started getting milk from a different farm than before. The first time I drove up, two large dogs came running up to my car door. There was this sinking feeling and a pit in my stomach. What am I going to do??! I summoned up my courage and opened the door, trying to ignore these huge beasts as I hurried inside. They didn't do a thing except look at me, but still... 

Every time I went to get milk after that, I would desperately hope the dogs wouldn't hear me and stay away, which usually didn't happen. Then there were several times I went when the dogs didn't make an appearance. I began to miss them and wished they would show up again. This week they did!

As I drove in the lane I wasn't thinking of dogs at all and didn't notice any. However, when I opened my car door there they stood grinning broadly!:) I smiled back, patted their heads and cooed over them. I felt welcomed and comforted. They were just nice and friendly and I wondered why I had been scared.  

It's got me thinking...I guess I shouldn't put all dogs in one box for, if I do, I may miss out on something good. Is it the same way with people? Because of being hurt and misunderstood it can make me feel afraid and I go into hiding, not realizing all the goodness God has in friends and relationships.

What if I would see dogs as friends, not enemies? What if I would see people as friends, not enemies?

What if???

 

I Know

 

I Know 

by Big Daddy Weave

You don't answer all my questions

But you hear me when I speak,

You don't keep my heart from breakin'

But when it does You weep with me.

You're so close that I can feel You

When I've lost the words to pray,

And though my eyes have never seen You

I've seen enough to say.

I know that You are good

I know that You are kind,

I know that You are so much more

Than what I leave behind. 

I know that I am loved

I know that I am safe,

'Cause even in the fire to live is Christ, to die is gain,

I know that You are good. 

(You can listen to the rest of the song here )

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This last week was incredibly intense, stressful and hard and yet so much beauty, healing and freedom! This song became more real to me, in many ways, then ever before. 

One of the things I'm learning is to trust my heart. To know my identity and to live out of that. 

Here is a quote from "The Voice of the Heart" by Chip Dodd: "By facing that we are emotional and spiritual creatures created to live fully in relationship with ourselves, others, and God, we also face that our greatest joy is in being who God created us to be. Through the breaking of the walls around your heart, which is painful, you find the gift of fulfillment."

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Here is a taste of some of the beauty this week. I was invited to a tea party and a dear friend fixed this hat  for me, to match my dress.

May you find beauty, even in the hard, this week and KNOW that God is good!

A Love Story

We all have a story and everyone's story is important. I've been asking God how he wants to use my story and what parts of it would encourage others in their journey. Writing is a small way of doing that, so here goes...

I felt like I was losing perspective the last 2 days when I came down with a bad cold. In chatting with my sister I realized there are a lot of good things that have been happening.

Here are some of the ways I've seen God's love the last while:

- A friend bringing me chicken noodle soup and herbal tea when I was sick

- A hug

- Being seen and valued at work

- Confirmation from others that I'm hearing from God

- Encouragement that I speak life to others

- A new chiropractor that made me feel seen and heard

- A comforting dream that brought reassurance

It's a love story, the best story ever written, and I'm glad God uses people to show me his love. I'm realizing my judgments of God and people have kept me from receiving so much, but letting go is so freeing and brings the things I've thought would never be mine. Let love lead the way, it's there waiting for you, too!

P.S. And if you have an extra hug along the way, I'm all in.:) Hugs are my love language!

They That Wait

Please....not that 4-letter word again!! WAIT.

Why does waiting seem so hard? 

We all have things we're waiting for. It may be a new house, a new car, a new job or a pet. Rain, after a long drought. Morning, after a long sleepless night. An answer to prayer for healing, or marriage, or restoration of relationships.

Have you ever said you're tired of waiting? I have, more times than I can count. No wonder I'm tired!

There has been this strong theme the last week about the power of words and I've been reflecting a lot on the things I've been saying over myself. Some things definitely need to change.

This verse came to mind: "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not grow weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isa. 40:31 Hmmm... this sounds a lot different than what I've been saying. So speaking God's truth over me might look like this: "In the waiting I am gaining strength. I am moving forward with confidence."

Waiting doesn't have to be a "bad" thing. There is much to learn as I lean in to hear the Father's heartbeat and we talk about the plans for my future. I used to wish God would tell me what to do so I could just do it, but I've come to realize that's not how he operates. He wants me to be actively involved in those "future" plans. He wants to fulfill the desires of my heart, but too often I've been afraid to even talk to him about them.

I sit up straighter with a grin on my face as I lean into the wind...wait...I see the Father smiling and cheering me on and I know everything's gonna be just fine.

The Heart-Beat of the Father

 So often I pray for the Father to touch my heart, but sometimes He wants me to touch His.

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Some time ago I had this vision of me as a little girl climbing up these long stairs. I was kind of trudging along with my head down. I had this sense that the Father was at the top, but I wasn't sure what to expect. Would he be glad to see me? Would he be displeased? Would there be harsh words of judgment?

As I got closer I dared to lift my eyes. There was a smile of glad welcome on His face and love beaming from His eyes. As I approached He drew me close and told me to put my hand on His chest. I gingerly stretched out my hand and the Father said to me, "Can you feel my heart beating for you?"

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In the days since then, when I feel tired and weary and like no one cares, I go back and simply reach out my hand to touch the Father's heart, and once again all is right with my world because I KNOW I am Perfectly Loved!

Defining Truth

There were two things I heard yesterday that struck me as significant. 

The first was this: "Your past doesn't disqualify you, it prepares you." The second was a song called "God Is In This Story I've been thinking a lot about these and it has stirred a lot of hope inside. What does God see in my story? All the pain, tears, broken dreams, wasted years, loneliness, regrets intertwined with love, kindness, compassion, tenderness, comfort and caring. What if He is using it to prepare me for the next thing? 

It is important to make peace with the past so I can move on, because I will still be living in the past until I do. I might try to forget it and stuff the pain deep, deep down inside but it will always appear sooner or later in weird and unexpected ways. As I let pain go, it makes room for love. And God's love, I've found, is big enough to embrace us all! I like what He said to me, "Simply live in the love I have for you today. Love never runs out. There is an endless supply."

So I've been looking for love...the love that has always been there but so often I have missed. 

God is in my story and that's what makes it so beautiful, for where God is, there is love.

                      "Your past doesn't disqualify you, it prepares you."