A Horrible Night & an Amazing Day

I went to bed at an early hour with a pounding headache. I don't know when my head has ever hurt so badly. I tried to lie perfectly still for I was afraid of throwing up any minute. I felt too bad to even get up and take Aleve. I prayed every prayer I knew to pray, all to no avail.

I must've dozed off and on but it was a very restless, fitful sleep. At 12:50 a. m. I awoke with my head still pounding but my stomach feeling more settled so I got up and took Aleve and munched a cracker, since I hadn't had much supper. Wrong move. It wasn't long till I was in the bathroom gagging over the toilet. Yuck! Let's just say I hate vomiting. It's been years since I've been sick like that but I decided I still don't like it. However, after that I began to feel a bit better and soon went back to sleep.

I awoke again at 5:00 a. m. and was overjoyed to discover my headache was gone! How I thanked Him! Although I was still quite weary, I got up and had an amazing time talking to my Jesus. After awhile the hunger pangs became quite intense. I was reminded of the story of Elijah where God woke him up and told him to eat, for the journey was too great for him. (I Kings 19:1-18) Although, it was only 5:45, I took that as a sign, and got up and fried an egg and toasted some bread to make a delicious egg sandwich.

There wasn't even a hint of dawn in the sky and yet I heard the birds beginning to sing. How interesting, I thought, the birds start singing while it's still dark just because they know the dawn is coming.

My stomach satisfied, I decided to try for a few more hours of sleep. I was awakened at 7:48 a. m. by the phone ringing. Although still feeling a bit groggy, I decided it was time to get cracking for there were many things to do. As I prepared for the day I prayed, Jesus, please show me who you would have me minister to today.

Soon I was speeding on my way to town. A stop at Dollar General for a card and then on to the chiropractor to get my tailbone fixed. (It's not much fun when it hurts to sit down, just so you know.)

After that I headed to the clinic to meet Dad for a doctor's appointment. He was already there and waiting, sleeping in his wheelchair. He told me, "I'm ready to go back to bed." "But we need to see the doctor first," I replied. We sat there and waited and were finally called back to the x-ray waiting room. As I wheeled him in, he said hi to the people already there, much to their surprise. When finally we got called in to see the doctor a male nurse came to check him out. He pulled and pushed on Dad's bad leg and then asked, "Does that hurt?" Dad replied with some consternation, "No, it doesn't hurt but don't do that!" I laughed. I couldn't help it!

With Dad taken care of I was off to do a bit of shopping and then to the hospital to visit the grandma of a co-worker. I had only met her once before and didn't know her well but she seemed pleased by my visit and had tears in her eyes as she read my card.

By this time it was nearing 1:00 o'clock and so I swung by the bank and library and then ran in at Subway. As I sat eating my Chicken Bacon Ranch sub I reflected on my day this far and all the things I still wanted to do. It didn't leave me sitting there long.

A quick stop at work was next on the agenda, for although I had the day off, my boss had called that morning to see if I could take care of an urgent matter that had come up. It didn't take long and then I headed to the Manor to see Mom. Upon arrival I couldn't find her and so visited another lady there that I knew. When I returned to the dining room, Mom was deep into a game of Bingo so I didn't linger long.

As I headed towards home I made another stop at Choice Books and left a container of pretzels since this IS "National Pretzel Day".

One more stop to see my dear sister, Ann, at work and check out her new desk, catch up on the news and drop of a bag of chocolate covered pretzels.

Weary, but happy I arrived home at last, "planted" my tree (the prize find of the day) in the living room and lay down for a nap.

Who says you can't have a good day even after a horrible night?

"Weeping may remain for a night but joy comes in the morning."

Trust and Peace

The following 2 verses struck home with me this week:

Proverbs 3:5-6
5Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
6In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Philippians 4:7
7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I never realized before how trust and peace are so closely related. Trust comes first, then the peace.

I would've said I trusted God. I knew I should. I knew (in my head) He is trustworthy. I wanted to trust Him, but when it felt like things were out of my control, I lost it. Totally lost it. I got very angry.

It happened this week. I didn't understand why I was reacting in this way but I said that I want to get to the bottom of this. As I was praying and asking God to show me, He did! (And then I was amazed!)

He took me back to a time, nearly 14 years ago, when something happened and I was very hurt. I felt like God had let me down and He wasn't there for me in my darkest hour. Instead of giving it to God, I took things into my own hands and tried very hard to "make life work" on my own. All the while, I was harboring anger and bitterness towards Him.

Can you trust someone if you are angry and bitter at them? NO! It doesn't work, believe me!

Finally, in brokenness and repentance, I came back to God and confessed it all to Him. He didn't condemn, but His eyes held a hint of sadness as He gazed at me with tender love. And these were His words, "You never gave it to me. You were too afraid. How much more I wanted to give you, but ye would not."

Why do I have the idea that God is trying to take things from me when really He wants to give?
If I'm hanging on to something, there's no way He can even give it to me.

As I let go of that anger and bitterness and wept tears of relief, I felt this incredible peace. A peace like I've never known before. God is trustworthy. Totally. Completely. There is nothing, NOTHING to fear!

Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him. Isa. 64:4

And...

It's not the end of the story.