Trust and Peace

The following 2 verses struck home with me this week:

Proverbs 3:5-6
5Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
6In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Philippians 4:7
7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I never realized before how trust and peace are so closely related. Trust comes first, then the peace.

I would've said I trusted God. I knew I should. I knew (in my head) He is trustworthy. I wanted to trust Him, but when it felt like things were out of my control, I lost it. Totally lost it. I got very angry.

It happened this week. I didn't understand why I was reacting in this way but I said that I want to get to the bottom of this. As I was praying and asking God to show me, He did! (And then I was amazed!)

He took me back to a time, nearly 14 years ago, when something happened and I was very hurt. I felt like God had let me down and He wasn't there for me in my darkest hour. Instead of giving it to God, I took things into my own hands and tried very hard to "make life work" on my own. All the while, I was harboring anger and bitterness towards Him.

Can you trust someone if you are angry and bitter at them? NO! It doesn't work, believe me!

Finally, in brokenness and repentance, I came back to God and confessed it all to Him. He didn't condemn, but His eyes held a hint of sadness as He gazed at me with tender love. And these were His words, "You never gave it to me. You were too afraid. How much more I wanted to give you, but ye would not."

Why do I have the idea that God is trying to take things from me when really He wants to give?
If I'm hanging on to something, there's no way He can even give it to me.

As I let go of that anger and bitterness and wept tears of relief, I felt this incredible peace. A peace like I've never known before. God is trustworthy. Totally. Completely. There is nothing, NOTHING to fear!

Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him. Isa. 64:4

And...

It's not the end of the story.