Sitting Alone

The other day God said to me, "Sometimes it's okay to sit alone."

I often try to avoid it because it can feel uncomfortable, scary, vulnerable and painful.

One evening this week I was out shopping. I wanted a sandwich but wasn't sure I wanted to sit in a restaurant by myself so I thought maybe I would go through the drive-thru and take it home to eat. I pulled into Arby's and there was a long line at the drive-thru. I thought to myself, It would be faster to go in and order. I still wasn't sure if I was going to take it home or not but when the cashier asked if it's "for here" or "to-go", I heard myself saying, "For here".

I found a seat where I could look towards the west and admire the beautiful sunset. I decided to leave my phone in my purse and just sit there observing people and talking to Jesus. The turkey sandwich and curly fries went down pretty good. I had this feeling that I should thank the manager for the good food and service. It didn't sound that hard and the place was nearly empty but still it seemed like a pretty nervy thing to do.

I felt nervous and scared as I gathered up my trash and headed for the front counter. I timidly asked if I could talk to the manager. He soon appeared, wondering, I'm sure, what was wrong. When I thanked him for the good food and service he wasn't quite sure what to say. He asked if I had my receipt and said I can fill out a survey and enter to win $1000, then wished me a good night and I walked out.

As I drove home I prayed that God would use it. I didn't care about winning $1000. That's not what it was about. It was about hearing God and obeying and then believing He would use it.

I knew God wanted me to sit in at Arby's that night even though it would've been easier to go home. A new song was playing on the radio, as I was driving home. It was called "Control" and the phrase that stood out to me was this, "...God you don't need me but somehow you want me..."  I wept as I felt all the stress and tension of the past days, weeks, months and years drain away.

If it means making time and space to hear God, I'm willing to sit alone.