A New Identity

“When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.”
—Winnie the Pooh

Excitement was running high as a friend and I headed to a "Be In Health" conference in Tulsa, OK. We had the support of many friends and the confidence that God would come and meet us there. Questions needed answers. We had no idea the "fun" we would have staying at a Hilton - getting lost inside, unable to gain access to our room, walking for miles, etc. - but, oh, the laughter! (But that is another story for another day.)

As we settled into our seats that first day and the speakers got up to make introductions I found myself crying, the tears silently trickling down my face. I was powerless to make them stop. I felt the love and Presence of God, knew that it was a safe place and that God had brought me there. 

Be In Health teaches about the possible spiritual roots connected with disease. They have done much research and through the Holy Spirit helped thousands of people to find healing that they so desperately needed. Let me just say that not all disease comes from spiritual problems but if you have gone to a doctor and they can't find anything wrong it might be a clue to check further. 

But let me tell you my story...

For many years I have had allergies, mainly chemical sensitivity to perfumes, scented candles, detergents, etc. For awhile it seemed to be getting better but more recently had increased in intensity. I realized I was afraid of people and places where I knew I would have to face this thing. It really resonated with me when they said allergies come from anxiety, stress and fear - more specifically relationship breakdowns in the home and not feeling safe. 

For two days I sat under their teaching. There were many good things and much of it I had read about in their book "A More Excellent Way". It made sense and yet I couldn't quite put my finger on what was the root issue for me, so I kept praying and asking God to shine His light. The conference ended with no significant breakthrough.

The next day as we were driving home I got out my notes and my friend and I were discussing the things we had learned. Suddenly things began to make sense. My grandpa was an angry man and didn't have a good relationship with his sons. Because of that my dad harbored a lot of anger. For the most part it was hidden deep inside but on occasion showed its face. (I will just insert here that he was a very Godly man and served God to the best of his knowledge and I honor him for that.) I tried very hard to please my dad. I tried hard to keep peace in the family. I wanted to do everything just right cause I was terrified of dad getting angry at me. I realized that is the way I had learned to relate to others, as well. It's a fear-based identity. Anger is fear-driven, therefore, it is often controlling. Fear of others being angry with me creates distance. 

I was shocked to realize I am just like my dad. For the most part I had kept the anger stuffed deep inside (the resentment I felt when others didn't listen to me, made unjust demands, didn't treat me well, etc.), but those I was closest to and worked with day to day were actually afraid of me. I was trying to control them with my anger. 

I had to forgive my dad and get rid of all bitterness towards him. I repented of agreeing with the spirit of anger that was passed down to me and cast it out. I asked forgiveness for how my anger hurt others. 

Because of my earthly father I had a wrong perception of my heavenly Father. As I asked Him what He wanted me to know, this is what He said: I am a God of love, not anger. Your dad's identity was anger but mine is love. 

I have felt a real difference this past week in how I feel towards/relate to people. There is a freedom and a joy in relationship that I've never had before. It's not that I'm never tempted to be angry but God reminds me of my new identity and as I choose love it brings peace. 

As for the allergies, I believe that is something that will need to be walked out, as well, and choosing love over fear. I can already see a difference and I am grateful.

We live in an imperfect world with imperfect people but our perfect God patiently keeps working to draw us to Himself. He is teaching my heart to trust again. 

Healing comes through relationship.