We all want it, but even more, we all NEED it and yet it seems so illusive and everyone has a different definition of what love is. I'm not going to try and define it for you, only give you a glimpse of what it is to me.
I try really hard to get things "right" because when I don't meet my own standards of "rightness" I feel all this shame, like I'm a bad person and that I can never get it "right." Neither do I know what to do when others get mad at me, so I try even harder not to make a mistake.
This week, in spite of my best efforts, I "messed up." It did not leave me with a good feeling and I just wanted to cry and crawl in a hole and hide Okay, that isn't just what I wanted to do, it's basically what I did. However, I heard duty calling and couldn't stay there, so I washed my face and hoped no one would look too closely and see I had been crying. (You know that feeling of wanting to be seen and yet not!)
But when the person returned they didn't get mad and neither did they ignore me. Instead, they kindly took me aside and we actually talked about what happened. I got to say my side of the story and ask what I could've done differently and they told me why they prefer what they do. It made sense. They said we all make mistakes but we do our best and that's good enough. Now I've heard that before but I don't think I've ever experienced it so clearly.
It really is okay to make mistakes. It really is okay. It really, really is okay! Okay to make mistakes! Really??!! I think it's this thing called unconditional love. I will love you NO MATTER WHAT. Even if you are a mess, even if you make a mistake, even if you don't have everything figured out.
And I'm finding the hardest place to give that love is to ME... I don't have it all figured out, some days I am a mess and I make mistakes but still I love me cause I am worthy of love just for who I am, not for what I do.
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