A Brother to Be Proud Of

I appeared on the scene when Tim was 18 months old. From a very young age I adored my brother and tried to copy everything he did, as you can tell from this ancient picture. 

When we got a bit older I tried to keep up with him, climbing trees and chasing frogs. We made a raft to sail on the old lagoon (no longer in use) and had secret tunnels in the old weeds behind the barn. Many hours were spent riding bike and I learned to ride with "no hands", thanks to Tim!

When we moved on the dairy farm, we worked together doing chores and putting up hay. I spent many hours running the swather and Tim would come behind with the chopper or baler. For a short time we were in the youth group together.

Years passed and we went our separate ways. Tim married and moved to Canada. I moved back to Kansas. We seldom saw each other anymore, although we still talked on the phone.

But now! He is here! What fun to have more time together for an extended period and to see the fine young man he has become!

Mom loves having him around! She usually can call him by name, although names do not come easily for her any more. He plays countless games of Dominoes with her, although it isn't one of his favorite things to do. When Ann has tucked Mom in for the evening, Tim gives her a kiss and a goodnight.

Tim sees what needs to be done and does it! Like fixing the doorbell, putting in new light bulbs, repairing the oven door and other such things.

Although he is staying at Mom's place, I still have gotten to see him a fair bit. He went with me to a doctor's appointment in Wichita and helped me shop for shades, offering to put them up for me. He is also a handy mechanic and is doing some repairs on my car.

He has helped me "slow down" and make time for what is really important. On Saturday we went out for breakfast, which we both love doing! As soon as the food was finished off I said, "Shall we go?" He replied, "Don't rush me. I'm not done with my coffee." So I settled back in my seat and then is when we started talking about things that are really important. It was quite some time later that we left, both feeling satisfied.

Tim is tender-hearted, thoughtful and kind. It's been so good to reconnect in a deeper way. And the laughter has been a balm for my soul!

Thanks for coming, Tim! You're the best!

Forget the Former Things

This morning when I asked God for a verse, He gave me these in Isaiah 43:

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." vs. 18-19

When I opened Bible Gateway for the "verse of the day", it was these same verses.

Later on Facebook in my memory feed was a memory from 4 years ago with these verses.

At church this morning the pastor read from Philippians 3 about forgetting what is behind and pressing on towards what is ahead.

I'm asking God what that means for me. What are the things from the past that are important to let go of and leave behind? What are the new things that He is wanting to do for me?

Waiting on God's Timing

Waiting isn't one of my strong points. It may take me awhile to know what I want, but when I do, I want it NOW! But...that's not how God works. He shows you what you want and then he prepares you to receive it. Sometimes that feels mean and cruel and it may take a year or 20 or even 40!

At the beginning of this year I was hoping to take a vacation. I didn't know when it would work out but I thought that, surely, in a year's time it would work out somewhere. But there was one thing after another that foiled my plans. The other part-time secretary quitting in February, causing extra work. Training in the new secretary, dragging on for months. Numerous summer vacations of fellow workers making it necessary for me to stay. I knew that fall was out because the Kansas State Fair is our biggest selling time of the year.

At last I sighed and said, "I guess I'm not supposed to have a vacation this year," and I just gave up even trying to figure it out.

Then the other week I was out walking with my sister and she said, with conviction, "I think you should go visit Sarah (our other sister) for Christmas!" I hadn't really even thought of it but I liked the idea. The next day I checked out one-way tickets to Ottawa. Amazing price! Not every detail is worked out yet, but the ones that are, have fallen into place without a hitch.

To say I'm excited would be an understatement. I haven't been there for 5 years. It's not that I haven't wanted to go and tried to make things work out to do so, but the timing just wasn't right. But now it is and I'm so excited to see what God is going to do!

When the timing is right, you will know. He gives His peace and does more than you could ask, think or imagine!

Overwhelmed

²⁷ Why do you complain, Jacob?

    Why do you say, Israel,

“My way is hidden from the Lord;

    my cause is disregarded by my God”?

²⁸ Do you not know?

    Have you not heard?

The Lord is the everlasting God,

    the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

    and his understanding no one can fathom.

²⁹ He gives strength to the weary

    and increases the power of the weak.

³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,

    and young men stumble and fall;

³¹ but those who hope in the Lord

    will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

    they will run and not grow weary,

    they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:27-31 (NIV)

So often I feel forgotten and overwhelmed with work and my problems. The question came to me the other day, What if, instead of being overwhelmed with my problems, I would be overwhelmed with God's love? 

It's not that He isn't doing it. It's a matter of perspective. I asked Him to show me new things and He is but that may be material for another post. 

How about you? Ask Him to overwhelm you with His love!

Sitting Alone

The other day God said to me, "Sometimes it's okay to sit alone."

I often try to avoid it because it can feel uncomfortable, scary, vulnerable and painful.

One evening this week I was out shopping. I wanted a sandwich but wasn't sure I wanted to sit in a restaurant by myself so I thought maybe I would go through the drive-thru and take it home to eat. I pulled into Arby's and there was a long line at the drive-thru. I thought to myself, It would be faster to go in and order. I still wasn't sure if I was going to take it home or not but when the cashier asked if it's "for here" or "to-go", I heard myself saying, "For here".

I found a seat where I could look towards the west and admire the beautiful sunset. I decided to leave my phone in my purse and just sit there observing people and talking to Jesus. The turkey sandwich and curly fries went down pretty good. I had this feeling that I should thank the manager for the good food and service. It didn't sound that hard and the place was nearly empty but still it seemed like a pretty nervy thing to do.

I felt nervous and scared as I gathered up my trash and headed for the front counter. I timidly asked if I could talk to the manager. He soon appeared, wondering, I'm sure, what was wrong. When I thanked him for the good food and service he wasn't quite sure what to say. He asked if I had my receipt and said I can fill out a survey and enter to win $1000, then wished me a good night and I walked out.

As I drove home I prayed that God would use it. I didn't care about winning $1000. That's not what it was about. It was about hearing God and obeying and then believing He would use it.

I knew God wanted me to sit in at Arby's that night even though it would've been easier to go home. A new song was playing on the radio, as I was driving home. It was called "Control" and the phrase that stood out to me was this, "...God you don't need me but somehow you want me..."  I wept as I felt all the stress and tension of the past days, weeks, months and years drain away.

If it means making time and space to hear God, I'm willing to sit alone.

Loved In the Learning

 Sometimes I get to the end of my day and think, I didn't do a very good job ...

And then I go over the long list in my mind. How I snapped at that person, grumbled about extra work, sighed when the phone rang for the 137th time, complained about all my problems, wondered why others aren't doing their work like they should. Or misapplied a payment, missed making an invoice and printed 100 of the wrong brochures. Then I withdraw into my shell and hope no one notices the tears trickling down when I return from lunch break.

And I feel ashamed and embarrassed to even talk to Jesus about it, but He comes and lifts my chin, looks me in the eye and says, "It's okay, Pauline. It's all part of the learning and I love the learning."

When a child is learning to walk the Mom sets him on his little feet and then runs across the room, crouches down and with a big smile says, "Come! You can do it!" The child takes one tottering step and tumbles to the floor. Does the Mom scold the child and tell him he should've done better? No! She claps her hands with delight, rushes over and tells him what a good job he did, sets him on his chubby legs again and says encouragingly, "Come on! You can do it!"

God doesn't expect us to be perfect or get it right every time. He sees our hearts and he is always there cheering us on!

He loves us in the learning...

A few late bloomers...

The Best Year of My Life

The song, "How Great Is Our God" began playing on the radio as I was driving home from work.  Tears trickled down my cheeks, as I was overwhelmed again with the goodness of God.

One night, near the beginning of the year, I was given this word, "This will be the best year of your life." I let out a whoop and the crowd erupted in laughter! However, on the heels of that, I also heard, "The best year of your life doesn't necessarily mean the easiest, only that God is with you." As I pondered that statement, I thought, But God with me, IS what makes it the best! And it has.

I love my job. It hasn't always been easy but it has helped me grow in many ways and taught me how to relate to men. I love the interactions with customers. I've gained confidence in who I am and what I can do.

I love my church and the spiritual encouragement I get on a Sunday morning. The friends I've made have blessed my life and being a part of the healing ministry is a highlight. There's nothing like seeing people set free and experience who God really is!

Then there is Mom... and the nagging question, "How long will she be with us?" All summer there has been a steady decline and 2 weeks ago she ended up in the hospital with pneumonia. But she is home again and doing better than she had been for months.

My car still has a tendency to randomly not start and I really have no more answers than I did months ago.

No, I haven't seen all my dreams come true. There are still many things my heart longs for but knowing God's approval on my life is the best thing of all. It doesn't mean I always get it right or never mess up but when I do, he gently draws me back and sets me on the right path again. And I see him smiling down on me and saying, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

It hasn't been the easiest year, but He has been with me...

And the year isn't over yet! (I have this nagging suspicion that He still has some good surprises tucked up His sleeve.)

                              **************************************************

Sometimes blessings come in disguise...

I was distressed one day to come home and find a shortened mailbox post, minus a mailbox. Upon further inspection I saw the battered box off in the lawn, but the post was beyond repair. I must say I am quite proud of my new post, which my landlord put up and I painted myself. It is much better than the old one!