Protection - Safe, Taken Care Of

 To Be Protected: safe, cared for, taken care of, comforted, held, defended

Who knew that a simple thing like going through the car wash could be so traumatizing?!

It had been too long and the day finally came to get my car washed. It just so happened that everyone else in town, or so it seemed, had also decided this was the day! When I saw the sign that said "50% off" I realized why it was so busy. I was almost deterred by the long lines ahead of me, but decided to wait it out, since I had already put off this day for so long. 

I settled back into my seat and tried to relax as the line slowly moved forward, but occasional glances at the clock didn't really help. At last it was my turn. The attendant, with the wind whipping her hair, was very cheerful and friendly in spite of the long lines. As I proceeded to the car wash several guys sprayed my car down, in the process getting plenty of spray on themselves. I eased onto the conveyor belt and put my car in neutral. The cars were stacked close together with not much space between. 

I was nearly to the end of the line when I realized the vehicle in front of me was stopped. I blew my horn, which didn't do much good as there was another one in front of them that was actually holding up the line. I tried not to panic as the conveyor belt kept moving me forward while I stepped on the brakes with all my might, so as not to hit the car in front of me. In the meantime, the vehicle behind me crunched my back bumper. (So much for my "new" car!) Finally, one of the "washer" guys came to see what was holding up the line. About that time the vehicle in front got his act in gear and the line began to move again.

I pulled around to the side to vacuum the inside of my car, but also just to get out and let my body release some of the huge emotion it was feeling. I was mad and felt like crying! But underneath that was a terrified little girl that didn't know if she was going to be okay. The voice of accusation saying that she should've known better, she's not good enough or smart enough to avoid such situations, had her cowering in the corner. I took a step back and looked that little girl in the eye. Then I sat down and pulled her into my lap. I reassured her that she did a good job, she did the best she knew and that is good enough. I wanted her to know that she is safe with me and I will keep defending her and cheering her on. The car is important, but she matters more! Cars will come and cars will go. They may bear scars or need some fixing, but that will always be 2nd place to her. She gave me a tentative smile and hugged my neck. 

As I drove home that day, I felt at peace knowing that I am safe and taken care of always.

Provision - More Than Enough!

Happy New Year! It's been a hot minutes since I posted, so I'll just say my new year is off to a roaring start. I want to pick up where I left off with posts about "The 10 Gifts". (You will see them listed in the heading.) The one for today is provision.  

To Be Provided For: more than enough, abundance, safe, reassuring.

At the beginning of this year I jokingly said that my goal is to not spend so much money as last year. (If you've read previous posts you will know that I bought a house and a car.) I didn't specify increase of  in-coming funds, but that is my story of the day...

About 15 years ago I decided to invest some money. This was a big deal for me, the low-risk-taker-person that I am! It did not bode well for me. As the years went by the investment kept decreasing in value rather than increasing, as I had hoped. After some time, I despaired, and relinquished all rights, chalking it down as a learning experience. And that was that.

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Yesterday was a cold, blustery day with the wind whipping around and a few flakes falling. The wind at times pushed the front door open and took a peak inside as I sat at my desk working. The cold drafts that came in under my desk were not particularly welcome. I decided to lock the door, but was too lazy to put up a sign.  However, that meant I had to keep a close eye out for anyone wanting to enter. It wasn't all bad, as hopping up and down helped keep the blood circulating. 

As the afternoon wore on I picked up a call from an old friend. I was shocked when he told me he has a check with my name on it! Come to find out, my "investment" from many years ago had made a significant turn-around and was being returned to me with interest!

Only that morning I had read the verse in Matt.7:ll where it says that God gives good gifts to those who ask. However, the verse in Ephesians 3:20 is what I was feeling that day!

"Never doubt God's mighty power to work in you and accomplish all this. He will achieve infinitely more than your greatest request, your most unbelievable dream, and exceed your wildest imagination! He will outdo them all, for his miraculous power constantly energizes you." TPT

It feels safe and reassuring to know that He is the God of abundance and I have more than enough.  

The Compassion Method vs. Narcissism

The Compassion Method has a self-focus that is not to be confused with narcissism.

Narcissism is an inflated sense of self-importance, excessive self-focus, constant need for admiration, entitlement, and significant lack of empathy for others feelings, often at their expense. (I don't like labels and I would suggest that someone who fits this description simply has unmet needs and unresolved pain.)

The Compassion Method, on the other hand, teaches you to be self-aware, how to work through triggers, and discover your true self. When you understand what is going on inside of you and why, it brings the clarity to get legitimate needs met and find healing for your heart. When you feel loved and taken care of is when you have compassion to give to others. Knowing your true self doesn't bring with it arrogance, entitlement, or belittling others, but rather the opposite. When your needs are met you are clear-minded, tender-hearted, and at peace. 

Many people desperately want to be seen, heard, accepted, and valued. They try, all day long, to give and get it from others and in the process neglect the one who really needs it - themselves. It doesn't mean you are more important than anyone else, but just as important. Putting aside judgment and self-criticism enables you to see yourself as a real human being in need of love. 

Here is a personal example: 

Christmas, we think, should be happy and joyful and lots of fun! Good connections and warm, cozy feelings with family and friends. However, when I woke up Christmas morning I didn't feel any of those things. Instead there was a certain sadness I couldn't seem to shake. The tears rolled down my cheeks unchecked. No amount of telling myself how good my life is and how much I have to be thankful for made any difference. After awhile I wiped the tears away, washed my face and "put on" a smile, bravely going out to engage in Christmas festivities. The day wasn't awful, but neither did it feel very satisfying. As soon as I walked in that evening the tears started again. Then I knew there was a "little girl" that needed some attention. Instead of shaming my "little girl" for feeling sad I took some time to sit with her. To see her, hear her, value her. I told her that how she feels is important to me. The next day I felt totally different! I felt happy inside! I was seen, loved, valued!

This can be you, too! If you want someone to walk with you and help you understand the process, you can contact me at pollymarie2003@gmail.com or 620-200-1279. Also, check out previous posts to learn more about "Polly Marie Consulting" (using The Compassion Method). 

To Be Taught

To Be Taught: belief you can figure it out, self-confidence, safety in mistakes. 

The other day I was observing a father with his young daughter, whom he had asked to do the dishes. 

He ran the water until it was hot and gave it a squirt of dish-washing soap. The suds came up and filled the sink. She bravely started in swishing, scrubbing, and rubbing the dirty dishes until they shone, placing them in the other sink to await rinsing. Meanwhile "Dad" went off to do other things. Before long he was back to see how things were progressing. He stood beside her with quiet encouragement, as he rinsed the sink full of dishes and placed them in the drying rack. There was a certain camaraderie and closeness, even without much being said. I felt a bit wistful as I watched them working side by side. 

To me it is a picture of the Father. When he has a task for us he doesn't just expect us to know how and do it on our own. He makes sure we understand what is expected and have everything we need. He has confidence in our ability to do the job, and doesn't need to constantly be looking over our shoulder. On the other hand, he is checking in with words of encouragement and isn't beneath lending a helping hand.

He loves process because he is relational and the more time we get to spend together the better. He is the best teacher and he does it by walking alongside and working together with us. 

As a child I didn't learn self-confidence, that it was okay to make mistakes, or that I had the ability to figure things out, but thanks to The Compassion Method I am learning it now. Compassion means "being with" and that is the very nature of the Father. As I learn to "be with" myself in the mistakes and messiness of life, I can then experience the beauty that God created me for. 

To Be Heard

What does it look like to be heard? One of the things I think of is to be understood. As I was reading in Psalms 139 this morning that was really highlighted to me.

"...you understand my every thought before it even enters my mind." Ps. 139:2b (TPT)

"...your understanding of me brings me wonder and strength." Ps. 139:6b (TPT)

I also thought of this verse in Isaiah:

"...He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom. Isa. 40:28b (NIV)

There are many times we may feel misunderstood. Here are a few examples.

-    You get angry when someone cuts you off in traffic. What if... it's only because you're scared and it feels unsafe?

-    You get mad when you lose a game. What if... it's only because you feel disappointed in yourself, like you're not smart enough, and are "less than"?

-    You overeat. What if... it's not because you don't have self-control, but rather that you are feeling sad and lonely that no one noticed you at church that day?

-    You are extra quiet in a group. What if... it's only because you feel unsafe and fear being criticized?

When I feel misunderstood by others it often is more about not understanding myself. At times I even think that God doesn't understand me, but if you read the verses again at the beginning of this post, you will see that He does. Understanding why you do the things you do is the start to drastically changing your life! If you'd like help to bring more understanding to your heart please reach out to me at Polly Marie Consulting - pollymarie2003@gmail.com or text 620-200-1279. 

To Be Seen

"Every single moment you are thinking of me." 

Psalms 139:17 TPT

There are 10 basic emotional needs that every child has. 

1.    Being Seen

2.    Being Heard

3.    Being Accepted

4.    To be Played With

5.    To be Taught

6.    To be Protected

7.    To be Provided For

8.    To Know You Are Enough

9.    Being Valued

10.    Affection

This list is not conclusive and these things may mean different things to different people, but it has been helpful for me to identify legitimate needs. When these are missing in your childhood, it can negatively affect you as an adult.

Today I'd like to talk about being seen. (I may write about some of the others in future posts.)

I have a friend who sees me well. When she walks in there is a huge smile on her face and she gives me a big hug. She listens well to what I have to say, not only with her head, but with her heart. There is plenty of time. There is no judgment or criticism. She may just sit with me or offer wise council, when needed. I feel wanted, safe, cared for, comforted, and valued. I feel seen. 

You may not have felt "seen" as a child, but the good news is that you can go back for that child. It starts with you seeing you, the true self that has only been covered up by pain and unmet needs. If you would like to learn more about the process email Polly Marie Consulting - pollymarie2003@gmail.com.

You Didn't Miss It - the Door is Open...

 Come on in, the door is open... take a look inside...

A couple days ago my sister and I got a tour of our old home place when we were children. The walk down memory lane was very interesting!  I thought about how it looked when we lived there and took note of the upgrades. 

Back in the day, I thought it was a pretty nice house! Dad had a new basement put in so we moved the original house a short distance and then he bought a kitchen from the neighbors and added that on. We redid a lot of the walls with sheet rock, paint, and paneling. I thought the grey paneling in my bedroom was so cool. (That room has not been updated and I loved seeing it again!) The church down the road was upgrading their carpets, so we got some remnants to use in the bedrooms. The living room had a beautiful, brown, shag carpet. We had a new 2-car garage built and that was our bedroom for a time while the house was in the remodeling stages. I thought it was cool to sleep in the garage! The outside of the house was painted a lovely, pale green.

But now, the front door goes into the dining room instead of the living room (see picture above). They tore out some walls to enlarge the kitchen. The basement stairs go down from the kitchen, instead of just inside the garage. They tore out one old bathroom and put in a new one more centrally located. The stairs going up have a beautiful banister. The basement has been finished out with a large family room, 2 bedrooms and a bathroom. They put in central heat and air! (Back in my day we had fans, or we hung out in the unfinished basement.) This is just a glimpse of some of the changes. Walking through the house that day I wondered what it would have been like to live there with all the updates.  

This is a picture of my life. There have been many things that have happened through the years, some very beautiful, some not so great. At times I think I just missed it. It was just within my grasp, but it slipped away. Someone else got what I wanted. But I'm learning how to go back for me. If you would've shown me this picture of the door, I would've had no idea that something so beautiful came out of my childhood home. In spite of everything I've been through, there is beauty for me today. And there is beauty for you, as well! You didn't miss it!

P.S. If you're afraid there isn't beauty inside, I'd love to walk through that door with you and prove you wrong! Check out previous posts to learn more about Polly Marie Consulting and email me at pollymarie2003@gmail to book your session.