What Did You Throw Out?

On the last day of the year it seemed appropriate to throw out old things, so I did!

There was corn in the freezer from 2012, a jar of salsa with a strange smell, a ratty white sweatshirt that had done more than double duty, an old dessert with white frosty stuff on it and socks with snags and runs.

And then...there was the stinkin' thinkin'. That, too, had to go! The lies that God isn't good, that He doesn't care about my situation, that He likes my neighbor better than me, that I'm not good enough, will never measure up... The list could go on and on!

I'm glad to be rid of that stuff and I'm excited to see what new things God will replace them with in the coming year!

Until next year,
Pauline

Hope Was Given

The waitress came to work that cold December day. She felt a certain heaviness, wondering where the money would come from that she needed to pay her bills. She had been assigned to serve a Christmas party of 16-20 people.

Pushing her worries aside, she cheerily greeted the people dribbling in. There seemed to be something different about them...a light and peace that came from within. As she hurried to and fro, refilling drinks and gathering empty plates, she often lingered longer than necessary just to see what made these people tick. WHAT was it??

After the food was cleared away, all eyes turned towards the table laden with presents. With much fun and laughter gifts were chosen and exclaimed over. She stood in the shadows taking it all in. When all the gifts were distributed and everyone had one to claim for their own there was still one upon the table. "Give it to her!" someone cried, and there was a hearty approval of cheer from the group. The waitress hesitatingly stepped forward and with tears in her eyes took the last package. She did not know that she was about to receive a gift much bigger than the box of chocolates.

At this point the pastor stepped up and said they would like to bless her with money and minister to her. She was willing and eager although she didn't quite understand what he was talking about. As words of blessing, hope and encouragement flooded her way from every corner of the room, the tears began to fall again. And then there was money stuffed in her pockets till she didn't know what to say!

When things had quieted down a bit, the oldest member of the group (91) said how she had prayed that God would give them someone to minister to that night.

Names and phone numbers were exchanged and hope was born again in the heart of the waitress that day.

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Note: This is not a story that happened years ago but one from the past 2 weeks. It took place at Pizza Ranch and I am happy to be part of a group that shares God's love in real and practical ways.

Honesty

Honestly, I thought I was a pretty honest person until this last week...

The days were long and weary and I began thinking of how nice it would be to have a few less hours. I never asked for 45 hours/week but that's what came with the job. As my energy level diminished and it was harder and harder to make it through the week, the thought of less hours was becoming more and more appealing.

But I was afraid to ask. So I thought to myself, Winter is a slower time of year. There really isn't that much work. If I take off, it will save them some money. Now, doesn't that sound quite noble?

So one day I worked up my courage and approached my manager with the request to take Wednesday afternoons off through the winter months, carefully explaining that there really isn't that much work. He was willing to consider it but wanted time to talk it over with management. I waited to see what would happen, all the while many thoughts tumbling about in my head.

As the days went by my strength did not increase and the waiting seemed long. One day I came to the realization that the real reason I wanted less hours was because of my health, not the noble-sounding reason I had given. Not long after, found me once again talking to my manager. My noble-sounding reason soon flew out the window when I realized a full-time secretary was of more importance to them than saving money. However, they kindly granted my request after which I did disclose the real reason for it. I was surprised to receive sympathy and understanding.

Honesty starts with myself and being able to identify how I'm feeling. Then it is courage to be vulnerable and tell the truth to others, even if I think they won't understand. And maybe there is even a lie you're believing like this one: Men will like me better if I can save them money. What a relief to get rid of that one!

To be honest, honesty feels good to everyone involved!

Family

I've often wished for a bigger family, especially around the holidays. Those big family gatherings sound so jolly and fun. My family from Canada doesn't usually make it for the holidays so for many years it was Dad, Mom, Ann & I. Now that Dad is gone it consists of only us three. But I have found it's not in the size but in actually connecting. We are learning how to let go of past hurts and wrong mindsets and see things from God's perspective. To go shopping with my sister and actually enjoy it...now THAT is a miracle! And most of the problem was in my silly little head!:)

Another exciting discovery I made is that I have a whole family in the Godhead. God is one, and yet three distinct persons, and it is important to connect with each one because they each have something unique to give. The Father gives us identity, protection and provision. Jesus gives us companionship and friendship. The Holy Spirit gives us comfort, nurture and teaching. If we don't personally know each one, we will be sadly lacking.

My "family" has also expanded over the years to include many that are not in the bloodline. It might be the little ones in the nursery at church or the impromptu shopping trip with a friend. The co-workers who tease me and yet treat me with honor and respect. The prayer group from church taking time to help me work through issues. The friend coming over just to chat and pray together. Sunday morning hugs and hellos.

I am RICH! I am BLESSED! Because of Him, the One who loves me more than life itself!

A Rainy Day, A Stranger and An Umbrella

The rain was coming down in sheets as the last session of the women's conference was dismissed that Saturday afternoon. I looked out the window and wondered how I was going to get to my car without getting drenched. It had been raining off and on all day. Maybe it will let up soon, I thought to myself.

I was chatting with other friends while I waited for the rain to abate. I noticed it letting up but didn't want to leave in the middle of a good conversation. By the time I was ready to go it was raining harder again. So I talked some more but this time kept a very close eye on the weather! I really did want to go home!

It didn't seem inclined to quit any time soon so finally I said, "I'm going to make a dash for it!" Immediately a lady, who had been quietly looking at the book table, volunteered, "I have an umbrella. Let me walk you out!" I looked around in surprise. This was not someone I knew and I was tempted to refuse but she seemed genuine and I thought, Why not?

She quickly grabbed her umbrella and we went out together. Our arms brushed as we walked down the sidewalk, for you must stay close if you want to stay dry. It wasn't far to my car. As I opened the door, she wished me well and was on her way.

I headed down the street, tears falling as fast as the drops on my windshield. God has people to walk with me through the hard times. Sometimes I just have to admit it's not going so well. I don't have it all together. I feel lonely, I get frustrated when things don't go my way, I get mad at God for not answering my prayers, I don't understand why He doesn't just make everything better, I don't know how to relate to people, I hide under my bed (well, at least in my house!) instead of going out and seeing who God wants me to bless today.

But the thing I always come back to is this:

He is there... He. is. there.

And he will use whatever he wishes to remind me again how loved I am. A rainy day, a stranger and an umbrella...

Fair Time!

It's fair time!

But it's not fair, she whispered quietly to herself, as she thought of the thousands of brochures she had printed and hundreds of bags she had stuffed. How the boss had added 2 more brochures, late in the game, causing hours more work. The despair she felt when her helper's grandpa died 2 weeks before the starting date, leaving her alone with mounds of paper and empty bags. The struggle to keep up with daily tasks and still find time to stuff a bag here and there. The days ticking closer, the running and running and still the piles on the table. The day her manager asked how it's going and out popped, "I'm SICK of this!" And she wasn't sure she would be able to ever come back and look at another fair packet again!

And then she remembered... How one night her friends had so lovingly prayed for her to get through this intensely stressful time. How her helper came in extra the next week to make up for being gone the week before. How her manager kept checking in to see how things were going and offered little things to make the process go more smoothly and quickly. The surprise she felt when all the packets were finished up a half day ahead of schedule! The fun and unexpected pizza party for the office staff, provided by management, to thank them for all the hard work for the fair.

The first day of the fair arrived and the office was a flurry of activity as people scrambled to get last minute things together and head out. And she was there with a smile on her face, helping as needed and wishing them well. As the last one headed out the door she settled back with a satisfied sigh and thought to herself, Now what am I going to do?!

Joyce

The youngest of Sarah's children, 7 years old and full of life, is Joyce! Her unique and vibrant personality was seen in different ways when she was here last week.

She bravely played "Foursquare" with others many times older than her and did very well. She chased Ann's calico kittens and cuddled them as much as they allowed. She went swimming at the water park although it was rather a "cold" day for such.

She liked when I read her "Pooh" stories about Eeyore losing his tail or the one where he had a birthday and got 2 presents. One night she stayed with me, and her and I "slept in" while, others I will not name, got up bright and early to go garage saling. 

But this was the thing that impressed me the most:

One evening we were given "invitations" inviting us to meet in the basement at 7:30 (It doesn't matter if you're late, it said.). There was an air of mystery about her. So we all congregated at the appointed time. Joyce called the meeting to order and said, "What are we going to do for Jenny's birthday?" (Jenny being her older sister turning 14 that Saturday.) She proceeded to ask each one in turn what they were going to do. She wanted to make sure that Jenny was properly celebrated and took it upon herself to see that it happened! I can't imagine me at 7 years old, calling a meeting of my aunts and uncle to make sure they celebrated my sister's birthday!

I love her spunk, her joyful spirit, the light in her eyes! She has brought much joy to our family! And I wish... I still wish... for a little girl like her to call my own...

Single Bliss

It was a bright June morning as we jumped in the car and headed for the Colorado mountains. Awww...4 days of vacation with 4 friends!

But 4 days with 4 people who are independent and single and all used to doing things their own way...now that's another story! And I have my ideas and ways with the best of them, but my ways are better...or are they??

The differences showed up quickly. Is it better to take your time and make leisurely stops or try to get to your destination as quickly as possible? I, for one, need to learn to enjoy the journey.

And grocery shopping... Should you make a list before you go, or not? Do you buy what's cheapest or better quality? Whole milk or 2%? What kind of fruit do you like for breakfast?

Our apartment was interesting but quite comfortable and spacious. We learned how to navigate after 4 days. The bathroom divided the 2 parts - one side with a living room and bedroom and the other with a kitchenette and bedroomette. When someone was in the bathroom you couldn't get to the other side and only hoped you had what you wanted on the side you happened to be on. We learned patience. We learned to make due with what we had.

And what time did we want to get up in the morning? Or did we even want to decide on a time or just let it happen? Those of you who know me, know that sleeping in is definitely part of a vacation! That is why I chose the back bedroom where I could shut the door! Some of the others were out and about, taking long walks by the river before I ever batted an eyelash. Walking later in the day was fine with me...but then there was the question of where, when and how far??

And what should we eat? Italian, Mexican, Chinese, IHOP or fast food? Should we split a meal? Ice cream for dessert? Shopping - 10 minutes or 3 hours?? And what is the correct way to play "Dig"?

Lest you think I didn't have a good time, I will assure you I did! I laughed - harder than I have in a long time! I slept - to my heart's content! I got in some walking - just the right amount! I ate ice cream - even though it wasn't on my diet! I drove in an unfamiliar town - just because I wanted to give my friend a break! I breathed deep and listened - as the train wound its way through the Royal Gorge. I delighted in learning to know these friends better - the special creation God has made them to be.

I learned a lot. To give and take. To accept other's ways of doing things. To say what I think. To let it rest.

What does it matter at the end of the day if the toast is all buttered, if we have potatoes for breakfast, if we leave at 10:30 or 11?

Today

I am the Lord's.

"One will say, 'I belong to the Lord'; another will call himself by the name Jacob; still another will write on his hand, 'The Lord's', and will take the name Israel." Isaiah 44:5 (NIV)

He Never Thought of It

The work day was over. I jumped in my car and headed home. A song was playing and I strained my ears to catch the words. I reached over and turned up the volume. When I realized what song it was, I turned it up a little more! It was Fierce by Jesus Culture. These were some of the phrases that caught my attention: "...your love is fierce...relentless in pursuit...you chase me down...you seek me out...how can I be lost when you have called me found..."

I gazed at the beautiful clouds in the sky and thought about God's overwhelming love for me. I could "feel" it! It was real!

When I arrived home I found myself repeating over and over again, "Thank you for loving me! Thank you for loving me! Thank you for loving me!" Suddenly I heard Him say, "I never thought of not loving you."

My Gift on Mother's Day

One by one the children came. Most I knew. One I did not. Nora quietly went in the corner and played, although she was new and had never been there before. Then there were the twins, Braelyn and Briyah. Their faces lit up when they saw me and they came running over to give me hugs. Micah seemed uncertain and I invited him to come listen to a story. The children gathered round as I began to read...about butterflies and flowers and bunnies...and then there were monkeys jumping on the bed...!!

Pam, my other helper,  rocked Carter, who had a meltdown when Kathy left. She checked in on the baby sleeping in the other room. When Maylynn came she cried that her mommy left her. I picked her up and held her until the tears subsided and she went off to play.

Helping in the church nursery wasn't in my plans for today. In fact, I was a bit reluctant when a friend asked me to sub for her. I love helping in the nursery but it just wasn't in my plans!

I was thinking about Mother's Day when I awoke this morning. I am not a mother but I love little children. Suddenly I realized the gift God had given me by allowing me to "mother" these 8 sweet children on Mother's Day!

He does know what He's doing, even when He changes our carefully-laid plans!:)

I Knew It, I Knew It, I Knew It...

...but I blew it, I blew it, I blew it!

I got mad. Again.

I thought no one cared. It doesn't matter to them how I feel. Can't they see I'm barely hanging on by a thread? Fighting to simply survive? "Life isn't fair!" I loudly complained. After shouting, crying and stomping around for awhile I finally stopped to catch my breath. And the Father said to me, "Why are you fighting so hard to survive when you have ME for your Father?" I was taken aback and thought, Yes, why indeed??!!

Suddenly, the fear, anger, anxiety, worry and stress melted away and, as I let go, I felt a great relief because I knew, He's got it!

As I looked over at my dresser I saw this:

Often I feel like the small, little, insignificant bear but He is standing tall and straight behind me saying, "Always Loved, Never Forgotten!"

Belonging

As I was driving home, lights piercing the darkness, I cried out to God, "I just want to belong!"

Later, as I was getting ready for bed, I was reading through the Psalms. I was struck by these verses:

"Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage. As they pass through the Valley of Baca (weeping), they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools."

So I am a pilgrim. I am on a journey, which means I'm not meant to stay in one place for very long. What if its not so much about finding a place to belong, so I can settle down and be comfortable?

And I wondered how the Valley of (weeping) could be made into a place of springs? My NIV text note said: The joyful expectations of the pilgrims transform the difficult ways into places of refreshment.

So it's about who I know and that He is a good Father. It even says about Jesus that he endured the cross for the joy that was set before Him. Even in the "weeping". Even in the feeling of "not belonging", What it really boils down to is knowing I belong to Him and living out of that. And I remembered Him saying to me that very morning, "You are mine!"

Peace

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

I realized recently that I have been living in anxiety, worry and fear. I worry about what to wear. I worry about when to eat, how much to eat and what kinds of things to eat. I worry about my health. I worry about what flowers to plant and whether my mowing will get done this summer. God gave me a good full-time job but then I worry about not having enough energy to work a 45-hour week. I worry about being single and having no one to take care of me, but, on the other hand, I worry about getting married and not having what it takes to care for my family. And if things are looking good today, I worry about what might happen tomorrow. The list could go on...and on...

I try very hard to figure things out. I try to plan ahead so nothing takes me by surprise.

God has been showing me that He wants me to live in peace. Because I know Him, I can rest, even when I don't understand, even when nothing makes sense.

During the night this reference came to my mind: Deuteronomy 20:1. In the morning I looked it up and this is what it says:

"When you go to war against your enemies and see horses and chariots and an army greater than yours, do not be afraid of them. because the Lord your God, who brought you up out of Egypt, will be with you."

There may be lots of things the enemy is throwing at me that look huge and overwhelming but God is with me. He's got this!!

So today...I will walk in peace. As you know Him may you also walk in that peace.

He Brings the Dead to Life

I wasn't dead but I WAS very sick for 3 days. Let me tell you, it was no fun! The 3 days were the flat-in-bed-kind-of-sick, but it actually took much longer than that to fully recover. Just getting back to eating, is an ordeal in itself. I was glad when my appetite returned. This really wasn't what I had in mind when I wrote that title...

Recently I was reading the story of Joseph. Although a very familiar story, that I have read many times, I was so engrossed I could hardly stop. The part that really stood out to me this time was the last part of Genesis 45. Jacob's sons had been to Egypt to buy food for the second time. After thoroughly testing them Joseph finally made himself known. Then they returned to their father and said to him, "Joseph is still alive! In fact, he is ruler of all Egypt."

Jacob did not believe them. Is it any wonder? For many, many years he thought Joseph was dead!

As I stepped into that story, I could feel the overwhelming joy that Jacob had when he realized it was true. His son, Joseph, was still alive! And he went back with his sons to Egypt. Genesis 46:29b "...As soon as Joseph appeared before him, he threw his arms around his father and wept for a long time."

I asked God what he wanted to show me in this story and He said, "What you think is dead, I will bring back to life."

What are the "dead" things in you that He wants to bring back to life?

Self-Sufficient Wonder-Woman

It took me by surprise last week when one of the men at work rebuked me for trying to be a self-sufficient wonder-woman! He went on to say that it's okay to try and figure some things out on my own but neither does he mind me asking for help.

It can seem like there is a fine line between asking for help and figuring it out on my own, but it feels comforting to know that there are people out there who are glad to help me when I need it.

My life has often felt lacking in "good" men. Recently God showed me that He has placed men in my life to help me. They are strategically placed for specific needs I have in this time and place in my journey. As I began to thank Him for these men, I began to actually see them.

So, thank you to the men (past, present and future) who have contributed to my life. May you be blessed as you bless others!

P.S. I'll let you in on a little secret: I may appear as a self-sufficient wonder-woman, but really I'm not. I truly want others to be an active part of my life.

So I Wait

There was a sense of excitement and anticipation in the air. The speaker tried 3 times to get started. Others were so excited about what God was doing they couldn't keep still. Pictures of angels circled the room. They were seen in the sky this last Sunday and here was living proof!

I, too, feel that sense of excitement and anticipation about the new year! GOD is moving in mighty ways. His hand is not shortened that He cannot save. His heart is for His people.

Here are some of the things He has been telling me:

"The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned." Isaiah 9:2

CONFIDENCE! I can step out in confidence because I know who He is and who I am.

This was one of Dad's favorite verses:

"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

I saw this picture the other day of soaring like an eagle, running and not getting weary, walking and not fainting. God said to me, "That is you."

And then He whispered, "The best is yet to come."

So I wait... I wait with open hands and open heart...to receive the good gifts the Father wants to give me this year.

And They Danced

Tonight I went to visit my Mom. I took along a white, pink-edged rose. For the woman who gave me life, 46 years ago! She doesn't remember. It makes me sad.

I took along my baby books and showed her the picture of her holding me as a newborn. She was smiling with delight. Oh yes! Now she remembered! We looked at my tiny footprints, stamped in ink. So small.Other pictures of my earliest years brought smiles and laughter. Me copying my "big" brother, Tim. Sitting on my big sister's lap. Tim giving me a ride in the wagon. Me looking at a book. Me with my arm around the dog, whispering in his ear. (I know, I know that one would be hard for some of you to believe!:)) Me standing on a stool drying dishes.

And Ann told my favorite story. Ann (5) and Tim (1 1/2) stayed at Grandma Schrag's house while Mom went to the hospital. When they got the news that a baby sister was born they danced around the dining room with joy!

It makes me feel loved. Wanted.

And my dear sister still makes me feel loved and wanted.

This morning I awoke at 7:28 and switched on my light. Almost immediately I heard singing outside my bedroom window. "Happy Birthday to you...!" I peeked through the blinds and there was Ann with a few other friends. The poor dears were shivering in the cold and begged to come inside. They then proceeded to tell me they were taking me to IHOP for breakfast! What fun! Others joined us there. What a delightful time, complete with a free hot fudge sundae! (Not every day I get to eat ice cream for breakfast!)

Then Ann and I were off to shop. Clothes shopping. Oh dear, this could be a very long day. I found some I wanted and some I did not. But what fun to spend the day with my sis. The "Cool Beans" plan didn't turn out so "cool" as they were closed so we had to go for plan B. We found another little sandwich shop and had delicious chicken salad sandwiches. We talked...of things that you don't have time for in the busyness of life.

When I got home I looked over my birthday cards and sweet little gifts. Two more cards came in the mail. My sister from Ontario called. My brother from Ontario called. An uncle from Oregon called. My mom gave me a gorgeous yellow rose.

But still, His love overshadows them all, for it is through people that His love is made known. And I can see the angels in heaven dancing over me, just as they did the day I was born.