Not Disappointed

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." 

Proverbs 13:12 NIV

I have a lot of things running around in my head, so I guess I'll see if I can put it down in a way that makes sense. As Pooh Bear would say... sometimes things that sound good in your head feel differently when they are out there and have everyone looking at them (or something like that). 

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I don't know all the details of how a caterpillar becomes a butterfly, but I do know that for a time it is in a cocoon and has to go through a process before it emerges. I also know that "helping" the butterfly out of the cocoon before the process is complete, doesn't turn out very well.  

I was thinking about this in relation to seasons of waiting. I felt like I needed a shift in perspective. One thing I found helpful was to think about how God is using this time to prepare and strengthen me for what is to come. Instead of feeling like God has forgotten me, he doesn't care and that he is holding out on me, I want it to be a time of expectation, excitement and hope as I see his goodness and specific ways that he is preparing me. 

Here are some of the things that I am learning:

1.    How to face fears, instead of avoid them.

2.    Understand why I do what I do.

3.    Quit judging myself.

4.    Acknowledge pain and let love in.  

4.    Do healthy conflict.

5.    Recognize triggers.

6.    God's goodness is about him, not me.   

7.    Love can't  be earned.

Through this process God is restoring & healing relationship with myself, him and others. There is also a power, confidence and peace that I've never had before. 

At times I weep because the waiting feels hard, but still I know I am held...

"...then you will know that I am the Lord, those who hope in me will not be disappointed." 

Isaiah 49:23b