The Compassion Method vs. Narcissism

The Compassion Method has a self-focus that is not to be confused with narcissism.

Narcissism is an inflated sense of self-importance, excessive self-focus, constant need for admiration, entitlement, and significant lack of empathy for others feelings, often at their expense. (I don't like labels and I would suggest that someone who fits this description simply has unmet needs and unresolved pain.)

The Compassion Method, on the other hand, teaches you to be self-aware, how to work through triggers, and discover your true self. When you understand what is going on inside of you and why, it brings the clarity to get legitimate needs met and find healing for your heart. When you feel loved and taken care of is when you have compassion to give to others. Knowing your true self doesn't bring with it arrogance, entitlement, or belittling others, but rather the opposite. When your needs are met you are clear-minded, tender-hearted, and at peace. 

Many people desperately want to be seen, heard, accepted, and valued. They try, all day long, to give and get it from others and in the process neglect the one who really needs it - themselves. It doesn't mean you are more important than anyone else, but just as important. Putting aside judgment and self-criticism enables you to see yourself as a real human being in need of love. 

Here is a personal example: 

Christmas, we think, should be happy and joyful and lots of fun! Good connections and warm, cozy feelings with family and friends. However, when I woke up Christmas morning I didn't feel any of those things. Instead there was a certain sadness I couldn't seem to shake. The tears rolled down my cheeks unchecked. No amount of telling myself how good my life is and how much I have to be thankful for made any difference. After awhile I wiped the tears away, washed my face and "put on" a smile, bravely going out to engage in Christmas festivities. The day wasn't awful, but neither did it feel very satisfying. As soon as I walked in that evening the tears started again. Then I knew there was a "little girl" that needed some attention. Instead of shaming my "little girl" for feeling sad I took some time to sit with her. To see her, hear her, value her. I told her that how she feels is important to me. The next day I felt totally different! I felt happy inside! I was seen, loved, valued!

This can be you, too! If you want someone to walk with you and help you understand the process, you can contact me at pollymarie2003@gmail.com or 620-200-1279. Also, check out previous posts to learn more about "Polly Marie Consulting" (using The Compassion Method). 

To Be Taught

To Be Taught: belief you can figure it out, self-confidence, safety in mistakes. 

The other day I was observing a father with his young daughter, whom he had asked to do the dishes. 

He ran the water until it was hot and gave it a squirt of dish-washing soap. The suds came up and filled the sink. She bravely started in swishing, scrubbing, and rubbing the dirty dishes until they shone, placing them in the other sink to await rinsing. Meanwhile "Dad" went off to do other things. Before long he was back to see how things were progressing. He stood beside her with quiet encouragement, as he rinsed the sink full of dishes and placed them in the drying rack. There was a certain camaraderie and closeness, even without much being said. I felt a bit wistful as I watched them working side by side. 

To me it is a picture of the Father. When he has a task for us he doesn't just expect us to know how and do it on our own. He makes sure we understand what is expected and have everything we need. He has confidence in our ability to do the job, and doesn't need to constantly be looking over our shoulder. On the other hand, he is checking in with words of encouragement and isn't beneath lending a helping hand.

He loves process because he is relational and the more time we get to spend together the better. He is the best teacher and he does it by walking alongside and working together with us. 

As a child I didn't learn self-confidence, that it was okay to make mistakes, or that I had the ability to figure things out, but thanks to The Compassion Method I am learning it now. Compassion means "being with" and that is the very nature of the Father. As I learn to "be with" myself in the mistakes and messiness of life, I can then experience the beauty that God created me for. 

To Be Heard

What does it look like to be heard? One of the things I think of is to be understood. As I was reading in Psalms 139 this morning that was really highlighted to me.

"...you understand my every thought before it even enters my mind." Ps. 139:2b (TPT)

"...your understanding of me brings me wonder and strength." Ps. 139:6b (TPT)

I also thought of this verse in Isaiah:

"...He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom. Isa. 40:28b (NIV)

There are many times we may feel misunderstood. Here are a few examples.

-    You get angry when someone cuts you off in traffic. What if... it's only because you're scared and it feels unsafe?

-    You get mad when you lose a game. What if... it's only because you feel disappointed in yourself, like you're not smart enough, and are "less than"?

-    You overeat. What if... it's not because you don't have self-control, but rather that you are feeling sad and lonely that no one noticed you at church that day?

-    You are extra quiet in a group. What if... it's only because you feel unsafe and fear being criticized?

When I feel misunderstood by others it often is more about not understanding myself. At times I even think that God doesn't understand me, but if you read the verses again at the beginning of this post, you will see that He does. Understanding why you do the things you do is the start to drastically changing your life! If you'd like help to bring more understanding to your heart please reach out to me at Polly Marie Consulting - pollymarie2003@gmail.com or text 620-200-1279. 

To Be Seen

"Every single moment you are thinking of me." 

Psalms 139:17 TPT

There are 10 basic emotional needs that every child has. 

1.    Being Seen

2.    Being Heard

3.    Being Accepted

4.    To be Played With

5.    To be Taught

6.    To be Protected

7.    To be Provided For

8.    To Know You Are Enough

9.    Being Valued

10.    Affection

This list is not conclusive and these things may mean different things to different people, but it has been helpful for me to identify legitimate needs. When these are missing in your childhood, it can negatively affect you as an adult.

Today I'd like to talk about being seen. (I may write about some of the others in future posts.)

I have a friend who sees me well. When she walks in there is a huge smile on her face and she gives me a big hug. She listens well to what I have to say, not only with her head, but with her heart. There is plenty of time. There is no judgment or criticism. She may just sit with me or offer wise council, when needed. I feel wanted, safe, cared for, comforted, and valued. I feel seen. 

You may not have felt "seen" as a child, but the good news is that you can go back for that child. It starts with you seeing you, the true self that has only been covered up by pain and unmet needs. If you would like to learn more about the process email Polly Marie Consulting - pollymarie2003@gmail.com.