Dream Big!

My next place...

Oops!

I rushed in to work, my mind full of other things. One glance at my desk showed many things had accumulated over the long weekend. I immediately sat down to tackle them.

At 7:40 I happened to glance out the front door and saw a man standing there staring at me. He wasn't knocking but seemed to be patiently waiting...for something...

Suddenly it hit me! I jumped out of my chair and hurried to unlock the door and change the "CLOSED" sign to "OPEN". I sincerely apologized as I let him in. He didn't seem upset but was very gracious and kind as I proceeded to take his payment.

To me it was a picture of Jesus. He is so patient and kind, never in a hurry, never forcing His way in. When I don't get it right there is no condemnation but instead that quiet voice saying, "Come, lets go on together from here."

My Song

The beginning of this year God gave me this verse:

"She is clothed in strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future. " Proverbs 31:25

He knew how much I would need it. There has been one thing after the other that has made the future feel very uncertain, but at least I get to laugh a lot! Every time I think of the future (which is quite frequent these days) I laugh. I laugh because I KNOW my God. I know HIS plans for me are good. I know He is FAITHFUL and He always comes through!

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

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A few weeks ago I was at a meeting where some friends spoke God's truth over me. I was still deeply grieving the loss of my mother. The one word that was given was, "Sing your song."

This morning I was asking God what the song is that He's put in my heart. This was His quick reply, "The song of My goodness." So I will tell of His goodness.

It's about having deep relationship with Him. Feeling His heart beating for you. Knowing He is for you and not against you. Seeing Him work in every "little" detail of your life.

Outward circumstances don't always look "good". Honestly, right now I have no idea where I'm going next. There are many big, unanswered questions. Still there is a peace as I keep turning my face back to Him.

This song says it well: King of My Heart

The Real Question

I've often wondered if people like me. It may be my boss, or co-worker, or friends from church, or perhaps even family. It could be people I meet in the store, or children, or customers...the list could go on and on. I've tried so hard to be "likable" (whatever that means!).

Recently I realized I had it all wrong. The question isn't: Do they like me but do I like them? It really turned things around. The focus was totally different. It gave me hope. I can't change other people but I can change myself. 

I'm not talking about being nice on the surface and then talking about them behind their back, but really seeing them as the Father does. Asking Him to show you His heart for them. Treating them with honor and respect even when you don't always agree. 

It is much more productive to try and figure out if I like someone (and ask God to change me, if needed) than to try and figure out if they like me. 

And you know...if you like someone...most likely they will like you back. 

One of Those Days...

...when I felt the tug at my heartstrings and heard God saying, "Slow down, my child."

On my lunch break I went for a short walk. My steps slowed as I savored the warm sun and cool breeze. The blue sky and white, fluffy clouds added to the beauty. It was balm for the sadness I felt once again. Sadness I felt for the loss of my mother, the one who had known me all my life...

She loved hugs and kisses and freely gave them out. One day she wanted me to give her a kiss but I couldn't quite reach her from where I was kneeling on the floor. A few minutes later she said, in a serious tone, "You don't seem to be much into kissing." I laughed merrily and assured that I was! Still she was not convinced and replied, "Well, you better show me then!" I proceeded to smother her with kisses, which brought a smile of delight to her face.

The last three weeks she lay so still, with eyes closed, not really talking or responding. Even in those three weeks I told her many times that I loved her and then would give her a kiss. One of those times, although she couldn't speak, she responded by kissing me back. That is the last memory I have, and one I will always treasure.

In life, Mom was always in a hurry. She always wanted to hurry and get to the next thing even if she didn't know what the next thing was. She would be clearing the dishes off the table before we were even done eating. Somehow that changed at the end. She was in no hurry to die. Many days we waited, thinking each one would be her last...

Life continues on...I can't stop it, but every day I'm more convinced of the importance of slowing down and taking time for the ones I love. Hearing their hearts, sharing the pain and joy, walking together...always towards the Father, whose love is greater than all.

It's been one of those days where sadness was swallowed up in love...

Unexpected Twists and Obedience

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." Eccl. 3:11

Yesterday found me cleaning out cupboards and closets and sorting through stuff. There was a pile to trash (no pangs about that!), a pile to donate (a few indecisive moments), and another to sell (liked, but no longer needed). Down-sizing is a challenge, but a good one. I like cleaning out "stuff". The part I find hard is letting go of things I don't need now but maybe will "some day". Will I be able to find something else I like this well?

A week ago I had no idea I would be packing up and planning to move, but one morning this thought came to me that I just couldn't shake. It wasn't that I hadn't ever thought of it before but this time it seemed doable, although there were things I knew would be hard. So I wrestled with God, he won and we are both very happy! I know the rewards will far outweigh the sacrifices!

So...just in case you wondered...I'm moving back HOME! The tears in my sister's eyes when I told her, made it all seem worthwhile. Mom's response with her limited understanding, made me laugh. Her thought was, "Well, it wouldn't hurt."

I'm excited about getting to spend more time with Mom in her last days. This will also enable me to help Ann more with her care. It won't be as lonely for me and yet I will still have my own "space". There will be some adjustments but God who called me is faithful.

"Now we see through a glass darkly but then face to face. Now we know in part, but then shall we know, even as also we are known." I Cor. 13:12

Connections

Yesterday was my Aunt Elda's funeral. She was 83 years old and had been battling cancer. She was never divorced but married 3 times. Her first husband, Abe, was Dad's brother. Funerals are good places to connect. Hearts are soft and open and you often hear things you've never heard before. It's a place of vulnerability and letting others into the places of pain.

I was so encouraged by the testimonies of her 2 sons that had seen the hard things their mom went through but they also saw her strong faith in God. They testified to God's faithfulness in the hard things they had also gone through. Her daughter stayed with her to the final breath she took.

I thoroughly enjoyed talking with aunts and cousins that I have seldom seen over the years. Since Dad married late in life, most of my cousins are a notch older than I. That didn't seem to matter as we visited yesterday. We still have common interests in people and events that have gone before. Someone is always sure to bring up new stories that connect us in deeper ways.

It made me feel closer to Dad and the sweet presence of Jesus. Even though he's been gone 3 1/2 years, the memories linger on.

I was surprised about 2 other non-relative connections I made.

After lunch a lady and her mom came over to talk to me. They had heard about me over the years but we had never met. It seems she and her mom were competing with me and my mom, 49 years ago, for the "1st Baby of the Year" prize at McPherson hospital. Melinda was born December 29, 1969 so I got the prize, arriving January 2nd! (Melinda was also a niece of Elda's but on the other side.)

Then an elderly gentleman came and introduced himself. He told me he was a former roommate of Dad's in Nebraska many years ago! (He is married to Elda's sister.)

I love connecting with family, and others that know my family, but the greatest connection is with Jesus himself and how he draws us all together, family or not! This song that was played at the funeral says it well. Who You Say I Am  What really matters is who He says I am.