What Is A Trigger?

Triggers are strong reactions to our pain and unmet needs. Many people are scared or cautious of emotions, but what they are actually afraid of are their reactions. 

I used to think that when someone got triggered they got really angry or upset. This is one of the ways it can manifest, but it could also look like feeling shutdown, helpless, hopeless, terrified, out-of-control, trapped, frustrated, or annoyed. 

For me it can often look like shutdown and avoidance. In the past I often haven't even realized what I'm doing. Self-awareness has been a big part of my journey and is the starting point to be able to access and get healing for pain. These are some of the things I have learned with The Compassion Method.

When you are triggered your "adult brain" shuts off and you jump back to your "child brain". That is why it is so hard to think clearly and handle an "adult" situation. 

A trigger isn't bad. It is simply alerting you to deeper, unresolved pain. When you follow the feelings back to childhood and bring in comfort and compassion, it makes the biggest difference!

To learn more listen to this:

Triggered and True: What You Don't Know About a "Trigger"

A Surprising Discovery

I've always considered myself an internal processor - someone who needs time and space alone to sort through thoughts and emotions. 

But recently, a situation came up that needed a lot of processing. I found myself reaching out to people that I trusted, to hear their perspective and ask for advice, so I could better understand what it was I wanted. It was helpful to hear how others thought through the situation and have discussions about it. In the process I realized I'm more of an external processor. 

It felt freeing, somehow, like I was finally giving myself permission to be me. I remember so often thinking, I just want someone to discuss "stuff" with. A place where I could ask questions without shame or judgment. Where I was heard and my feelings were validated. A place that felt safe. 

This is the journey I've been on of uncovering my true self, beyond the person shaped by pain and unmet needs that so often shows up. There is a growing sense of inner peace, safety, and connection that is hard to explain, but so satisfying. It's the safety within that frees me to be me. 

For years, a dream of mine has been to be some kind of a counselor/coach/consultant. Now I know why! Just as I love having people sit with me and help process my "stuff", I love sitting with others and helping them understand what's going on inside. 

In case you missed it, check out my previous post about my new venture: 

POLLY MARIE CONSULTING: Free to Be, Just Me.

Polly Marie Consulting - Free to Be, Just Me

It's here! One of my dreams is finally being realized - the dream of sitting with people, connecting with compassion as they process pain, and rejoicing with them as they walk into the light and freedom on the other side.

Contrary to popular belief, how you feel is not only important—it’s essential. Your emotions aren’t something to fear or hide from; they’re powerful indicators of what’s going on beneath the surface. When you take the time to truly listen to how you feel, it can lead you to areas in need of healing and growth.

This journey isn’t about fixing what’s “wrong.” It’s about becoming aware, validating your feelings, and showing up for yourself with gentleness and clarity.

Here’s what you’ll discover:
 How to become deeply self-aware
 Tools to recognize emotional triggers
 Ways to process pain in a healthy, healing way
 The power of self-compassion
 How to reconnect with your most authentic self

This is an invitation to join me on the journey of discovering your true self and living the life of abundance that God created you for. I would love to sit with you! 

If you—or someone you know—would like to learn more or sign up for a practice session, just message me on FB, leave a comment here on my blog (to leave a comment click on the title and scroll to the bottom), or email me at pollymarie2003@gmail.com. For a limited time, I’m offering a one-hour session at half price—just $30 (regularly $60). Sessions available online or in-person. 

Let me know if you're interested or have any questions!

Loving life,

Pauline

"Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame."  Ps. 34:5

A House that Speaks

At the beginning of this year, I decided real estate might be a good investment option, so I began the search for a house. A coworker of mine was very eager to help and would let me know the minute a new property popped on the market. However, the weeks and months rolled by and not a one seemed right. Either it cost too much, needed too much fixing, was in the wrong part of town, or didn't have enough "character". There wasn't even one that was close enough to go look at. I began to wonder if there was a house for me. Was I being too picky? Should I adjust my expectations? 

Still I hung on to hope and one day, quite out of the blue, it seemed, this house popped on the market. The next day my boss, who is a realtor, got me a showing. 2 of the other guys came along for the walk-through. It all checked out, the price was right AND it was cute! That afternoon I put in an offer. There had been 9 other showings that day and multiple offers had already hit the table. Things were moving so fast I could barely keep up! At one point I thought, I'll be just as relieved if I don't get it, as if I do! But with a tweak here and there, several hours later my offer was accepted. You might say I was mildly (or shall we say WILDLY) excited!

And here she is!

I'm not planning to live in it for now. I will rent it out and get the best management company ever to take care of it for me. 

This house speaks to me of:

1.  God's Faithfulness

    "...how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask." Matt. 7:11b

2.  God's Perfect Timing

    "He has made everything beautiful in it's time." Ecc. 3:11a. The people are in place to help me with         what I need. I don't have to worry that it won't be well taken care of. 

3. Issues of Trust

    Buying a house brought up trust issues. I had to go back for that little girl that didn't feel people            could be trusted and only then could I see how God has placed good men in my life that are                     trustworthy. 

4. God's Attention to Detail

    I wanted something cute that had character. And just as an extra bonus, 2 of the rooms are painted        purple! (Which, anyone that knows me well could tell you, is my favorite color!)

5. Joy

    Excitement levels have been running at an all-time high! "The Lord has done great things for us,            and we are filled with joy." Ps. 126:3

    

Dare to Dream

"No one is more excited when your dreams come true than your Father. He is paying more attention to your dreams than you are." - Danny Silk

I was listening to this sermon yesterday and it really resonated with me. Danny talked about writing your dreams down, so when they happen you remember. It was really interesting to make a list of some of my dreams that have come true. Here are a few:

Little house on the prairie!

Camel ride!

Ferris wheel ride with my brother!

Nanny for triplets in Ohio!

Train ride!

Living "up North"!

Touring a lighthouse!

New, matching living room furniture!

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"When the Lord brought back the captives to Zion, we were like men who dreamed. Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy..." Ps. 126:1-2a

Do You Not Know?

A Scrunchie, 4 Missing Digits, and a Humidifier...

Scrunchie - One day I couldn't find my scrunchie. I looked high and low, in all the places I could think of that it could possibly be, to no avail. I had many others, but still, none quite like that one. It continued to puzzle my brain throughout the day. That night as I was getting ready for bed I suddenly saw it wedged between the file cabinet and desk. I happily scooped it up and breathed a sigh of relief.

4 Missing Digits - Ever since I moved to the small town of Partridge, I have had trouble getting orders that were shipped UPS. For some reason the delivery guy couldn't seem to find my place. It being a small town, they often would drop my package at the post office. This was okay except for the fact that I had to stop by when it was open, which was rather hard to do with my work schedule. Other times the item might simply be returned to sender. It caused a huge amount of frustration. An interesting twist was that my sister, who lives at the same address, never seemed to have trouble getting packages delivered to her door. I compared the address I was using with hers and it seemed to be the same. But, alas, one day I took a closer look. She had an extra 4 digits tacked on the end of the zip code. I never knew what those were for, or if they were important, but I thought it was worth a try. Bingo! My next order arrived promptly to my very doorstep. I was thrilled!

Humidifer - I loved my humidifier that softly purred at night, spewing warm moisture into the air as I slept. It had done me well, but was getting old and tired, I thought. One night when I went to turn it on, it refused to light up and my heart sank within me. Shucks! I guess it has finally worn out, were my thoughts. There were a couple other occasions throughout the years when I thought it was a goner, but every time it came back to life. This time, however, I thought it was too much to hope for, as old as it was. Still, over the next few days I kept giving it a try, just in case. Nope! No go! 

Finally, I started looking online for another. The exact one I had, that I liked so well, was no longer available. I tried hard to find one close to it. At last I found one I thought would be a good option. I put it in the cart and went to check out. There I saw the dreaded words, "NOT DELIVERABLE TO THIS ADDRESS". How dare they! Inconceivable! I tried putting my address in, in different ways, all to no avail. 

This is where the sister comes in. I thought to myself, Maybe they will send it to her, since they like her better.:) Sure enough, when she tried it, she didn't get that crazy message. But, wait! This is where I took a closer look at the address and saw the extra 4 digits. So I went back and tried that on my account. It worked! Amazing! 

But I felt a check in my spirit and didn't hit "Pay now". We went on to talk of other things and that night when I went to get ready for bed I decided to give that poor, little humidifier one last try. I thought maybe the outlet wasn't working, so I carried it out to the kitchen and plugged it in there. The light still didn't come on and the motor was so quiet you couldn't hear if it was running or not. I didn't think there was any hope for it, but left it there while I went to take a shower. When I came back, 10-15 minutes later, the dear, little thing was steaming away. My mouth dropped open in amazement! Apparently, the light burning out, had not affected its other functions. To say I was happy, would be an understatement! I may have even shed a tear or two!

********************

This has gotten to be a much longer story than I anticipated, but what I'm trying to say is that God cares about the "little" things. I can get so upset and frustrated when things go wrong, I can't figure something out, or simply don't know what to do! I use up huge amounts of emotional energy and lots of time. 

Slowly I'm learning to take a deep breath, stay at peace and listen to what the Father is saying, such as:

"Why do you say, O (Pauline), and complain, O (Pauline), My way is hidden from the Lord; my cause is disregarded by my God? Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak." Isa. 40:27-29 NIV

Through Your Darkest Night

The words of the song, "I Will Carry You" by Ellie Holcomb, keep playing in my mind. You can listen to the full version here, but these are a few phrases that stood out to me:

"I know you're tired, I see it in your eyes

All that anxiety that rules your mind

I'll be your shield when you don't feel like

You've got strength enough to fight

I'll stand by your side...

Through your darkest night

When you're terrified...

When you're hope runs dry

I will carry you...

You are not the sum of your mistakes

You don't have to hide the parts of you that ache

I choose you as you are a million times

'Cause I am not ashamed of you

I won't walk away from you."

***************************

I've been there. Tired from all the anxiety that rules my mind. Feeling like I don't have strength enough to fight. Terrified in the darkest night, when all my hope ran dry. 

Then he comes and says to me: You are not the sum of your mistakes, you don't have to hide the parts of you that ache, I choose you as you are a million times, cause I am not ashamed of you, I won't walk away from you. 

This is Jesus, but he uses people. For many years I felt confused. I was told that God is everything, that he should be enough. And he is, but his love is to be experienced, and the way we experience it is through other people. The people are there, I promise you. Sometimes the pain is so deep we can't see them, but they are there. 

The more healing I experience, the more I see the love of Jesus in the people around me. As I dare to open my heart a crack and let the light shine in, I am amazed at the transformation of love.

Thank you to those who have stood by my side when I had no strength to fight, who helped me thru my darkest night - when I was terrified, who chose me as I am again and again, who never walked away...

Whatever your dark night, there is love for you...