How Much More

"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him." Matt. 7:11

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There once was a little girl who lived in the country with her mom and dad, two sisters and one brother. One cold winter morning she awoke with a sense of excitement inside! Today was her 6th birthday! She bounced out of bed and ran into the kitchen where mom was making pancakes - her favorite breakfast. The others were already seated around the breakfast table and greeted her with a chorus of "Happy Birthday"! There was happy chatter and laughter as the food rapidly disappeared. 

After a bit dad stepped out the back door and soon returned with a big grin, wheeling in the most beautiful, light green bicycle with a red bow cheerily waving from the handlebars. The little girl squealed with delight, her eyes sparkling! A brand-new bike all her own! She couldn't believe it! She ran to give her daddy a hug. He laughed and tossed her up in the air. Then he set her, ever so carefully, on the bicycle seat. His hands were strong and steady on the handlebars as he showed her how to pedal and wheeled her around the room. The others clapped, cheering her on! 

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You guessed it! The little girl was me (imagination used to fill in the details)! A new bike for my birthday was a big deal! Money was tight in those days and we didn't generally get big birthday gifts. In fact, I can't really remember any other birthday gifts, although I'm sure I got some.

So if my dad knew how to give good gifts to me (the kind that my little heart desired and made my eyes sparkle), how much more will the Father in heaven give good gifts to his children! Believe and receive it today!

See, the winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come. SS 2:11-12

Until It's Good

 I love these lines from "Fear Is Not My Future" by Brandon Lake:

Let him turn it in your favor, 

Watch him work it for your good,

He's not done with what he started,

He's not done until it's good...

I was thinking back over my life this morning, the ways in which God has interwoven his love throughout my story. Every step along the way he has used to bring me to the place I am now. I began thanking him for the beauty in my story. Love comes in many and varied ways.

It may come in the form of a bright-eyed 6-year-old whose happy little voice fills the office. The days she gets to come to work with daddy are her delight, where she doesn't have to vie for his attention with other siblings. She says, "Good Morning, Pauline"! and runs to give me a hug. She chatters to me as I work. We eat lunch together. The shredder gets more use than average. She loves helping me with a small project. She shows me her art kit and what she is learning in her gymnastics class. It does my heart good, but I'm taken off guard by the sadness I feel. The loss of never having a little girl of my own. Through the tears, I let the healing come, so I can fully embrace the goodness of today. 

He will keep working with me as long as it takes, for me to understand his love. I know Love will never leave. And in the places that don't feel good, it only means he's not done yet. 

Wanted

I want to feel wanted.

This came up for me the other day when I was talking with a friend that is dating. I realized that one of the big reasons for wanting to get married is so that I will feel wanted. I think that is very normal to want to feel wanted, but what is keeping me from knowing that I am wanted? Do I want me?

In the story of the prodigal son in Luke 15 it says that the Father saw the son a long way off, and ran to meet him, and embraced and kissed him. He was watching for the slightest turn towards him and then he took off running. I think we underestimate how much the Father wants us. And he's not looking for perfection. He doesn't say that once you get your act together then I'll consider letting you in. Or, if you do everything just right, never get angry, or offended, or sick, or discouraged, or disappointed. If you go to church every Sunday and pray every day and volunteer for anything and everything. If you always spend your money wisely and never eat just to get comfort. 

What if he is simply saying, "Come and sit with me, my Child. I want to walk with you in the process. I want you to know my heart and how good I am. I want to give you the desires of your heart. I like you even in the journey that feels messy, hard, confusing, disappointing and frustrating. I love your heart and how you are running hard after me, but if you stop for a moment you will see that my love is running after you. Every morning I'm waiting for you to wake up - to look into your eyes, brush the hair from your forehead, smile with delight. I love to sit down and eat with you and see you enjoying your food. I'm by your side throughout the day making sure you have everything you need. I tuck you in at night with a hug and a kiss. I'm ministering to your spirit even as you sleep."

"My Beloved speaks and says to me: Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away." SS 2:10

As I realize again how much the Father wants me, it is also very critical that I want me. If I don't like myself, I have a very hard time believing that other people, or even God, like/want me. At times it's important to say, "Pauline, I want you. I'm glad you're here!"

The Sickness With No Name

Sunday morning walk. Cool breeze, warm sunshine. Friendly horse asking for a pat on the nose. Bouquet of zinnias. Deep thoughts...

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The other day I was listening to an interview of Mia Fields on Heart of Dating. I am going to reference some things she said, but you can also listen to it here: Crazy Faith to Believe That God Can Do It. This is specifically about dating, but I believe it applies to anything that God has promised you that hasn't happened yet. 

There was a point in Mia's life where she felt like God had been faithful and come through for her in every area except one, and that was romantic relationships. One day God said to her that he wants to heal the "Sickness with No Name". He went on to talk to her about disappointment and how it is like a cancer that eats away at you. This struck me very deeply, as I have felt some really huge disappointments in my life. 

Here are a few quotes from Mia: 

-    You're never going to be so disappointed that I (God) can't go deeper and heal that. 

-    Disappointment is a filter that says things are not going to work out. 

-    Faith is being convinced that God is as good as he says he is. 

Here are a few things to help you get through:

-    Pray from a promise

-    Celebrate things well

-    Look for evidence of what God is doing, not what he isn't doing

-    You are never out of options with God

-    Give yourself permission to cry and be sad

She talked about the verse in Jeremiah 29:11 where it says that God has good plans for you, but she went on to say, and he wants to let you in on them. Then God gave her a vision of a furniture warehouse with custom-made furniture. God said she could have any one she wanted, but when she said she wanted to partner with God, he said he would custom-make one (husband) for her, but custom-made takes longer. 

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Just before this I was doing a study on God's faithfulness. The verse I kept hearing over and over was: "...those who hope in me will not be disappointed." If you need a promise to cling to, take that one. Let hope arise! He who promised is faithful!

Immeasurably More!

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us..." Eph. 3:20

He doesn't only give us what we ask for, but immeasurably more than we could even imagine!

(This is a followup from the previous post "Confidence in Asking", so you'll want to read that one, as well!)

Confidence in Asking

There are many times in the Scripture that God tells as to ask for things. It feels like God has been highlighting this to me. Somehow I just want him to give me stuff without me asking. It can feel really vulnerable to ask for something, especially if it is a very deep desire in my heart.  However, there are different times, that is actually the one condition of being able to receive. 

"Ask and it will be given to you... for everyone who asks receives..." 

Matthew 7:7a & 8a

"If you, then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" 

Matthew 7:11

I think one thing, is to be confident that God wants to give me good things! He has set me up for success. He is not holding out on me. It doesn't depend on performance or me being "good enough". 

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I noticed some time ago that one of the keys on my keyboard at work was worn off. It didn't seem like a big deal, so I kept using it. However, the other day I realized there were now 4 keys with the letters worn off. I thought, Maybe it's time to get a new keyboard. There was still some question in my mind as to whether or not I should ask for one. It still really worked quite well and didn't really bother me unless I actually looked at the keys and had to think twice to remember what letter that was supposed to be. So I thought about it for a few days and decided it doesn't hurt to ask. But even as I was asking, I kind of had this fear that I was asking for too much, which was quite obvious in the way I asked (at least to me). 

I was rather surprised when my manager said that he thought it was past time to get a new one! We then looked at extra keyboards we had on hand to see if anything would work, but he also gave me permission to get a new one if nothing there suited my needs. I actually really liked the style of the one I had and was pleased to find one exactly like it. However, when it was hooked up I discovered there were some keys sticking, which is probably why it was retired to the back room. This I did not like. I was disappointed but not in despair, as I knew I could order a new one. So I asked for the old one back until such a time as a new one could be ordered. But, in the meantime, a coworker, being the ingenious guy that he is, decided to trade out the offending keys with the other keyboard keys that were perfectly fine and now we all are happy!

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Be brave! Be bold! Ask for what you need, out of confidence that you have a good Father who delights to give you what you ask for!

"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." 

Hebrews 4:16 NIV

Not Disappointed

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." 

Proverbs 13:12 NIV

I have a lot of things running around in my head, so I guess I'll see if I can put it down in a way that makes sense. As Pooh Bear would say... sometimes things that sound good in your head feel differently when they are out there and have everyone looking at them (or something like that). 

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I don't know all the details of how a caterpillar becomes a butterfly, but I do know that for a time it is in a cocoon and has to go through a process before it emerges. I also know that "helping" the butterfly out of the cocoon before the process is complete, doesn't turn out very well.  

I was thinking about this in relation to seasons of waiting. I felt like I needed a shift in perspective. One thing I found helpful was to think about how God is using this time to prepare and strengthen me for what is to come. Instead of feeling like God has forgotten me, he doesn't care and that he is holding out on me, I want it to be a time of expectation, excitement and hope as I see his goodness and specific ways that he is preparing me. 

Here are some of the things that I am learning:

1.    How to face fears, instead of avoid them.

2.    Understand why I do what I do.

3.    Quit judging myself.

4.    Acknowledge pain and let love in.  

4.    Do healthy conflict.

5.    Recognize triggers.

6.    God's goodness is about him, not me.   

7.    Love can't  be earned.

Through this process God is restoring & healing relationship with myself, him and others. There is also a power, confidence and peace that I've never had before. 

At times I weep because the waiting feels hard, but still I know I am held...

"...then you will know that I am the Lord, those who hope in me will not be disappointed." 

Isaiah 49:23b